Yesterday I woke up with an awful jittery feeling in my stomach. It was just a hint of it, but it felt as though a foe I’d long thought vanquished had come back for me.
Negativity, fear, doubts; they are like addictions. When you give them up you get withdrawal symptoms. Yesterday I felt as I did when I gave up smoking, facing wave after wave of cravings. I haven’t smoked since, but there have been times when I have felt naked and raw without as much as a cloud of smoke to shield me.
Bereft of all rescue but my own, I wanted to cry like a lost child. Knowing that no one but I can help myself is daunting, as well as empowering. Learning-knowing that every single thing in our lives (that we like and don’t like) is there because we have called it ourselves, is frightening and sobering. Yet it is that very realization that has kept me from letting go. Moment by moment I held my ground, thought by thought I searched for relief. Inch by inch I climbed away from the bottom.
I made myself do more scripting. This time it was telephone conversation in which I told my husband about the call I got from one of the producers at the Oprah Winfrey show. I told him that after reading my blog, Oprah wanted to interview me on the show, and that Harpo Productions was going to fly us all to Chicago, put us up in a hotel and pick us up in a limo to drive us to the production studios. The script was replete with: Oh my God and, well done and, I can’t wait to tell the children and, shall we drive and park at the airport or shall treat ourselves to a limo. It was fun actually, and I am glad I did it.
You see, the point is to engage in activities that help us focus our desires and thereby amplify our asking, which is the first step of creation. They help us activate a vibration within us that matches the essence of what we want. And that is very important, because unless our vibrations match our desire, we will not be able to attract the physical manifestation of it.
Another thing I am doing, also from Ask and It Is Given, is write myself a $1,000 check and then spend it, the second day I write a $2,000 and spend it, and so on.
Try, you’ll be amazed what you discover. I found that I didn’t know what to spend the money on. I had to think hard but in the end I bought myself an organic mattress. Today I am writing myself a $3,000 check, and I think that I’ll use it as down payment for a mini, a convertible mini. Yes, I like that, I look forward to it actually.
Well, it looks as if normal operations are resumed and I look forward to seeing you tomorrow. And I look forward to hearing how you are doing as well.