I am grateful for all the emails and calls of support, love and sympathy we have been receiving.  It has been suggested that I be kind to myself and give myself permission to feel what I feel and right now I would love to wring the neck of those ignorant, clueless, gutter-type-dwellers, who feel they know so much about life, people and the world; including my son whom they’ve never met, and pass judgment.

Trust fund weenie, arrogant prick, idiot; are some of the comments that behind the anonymity of their uninspiring usernames, these so called people of world have labeled my son, how empty and valueless their lives must be.

Would they, as my son did, champion the downtrodden, or the young children at nursery with him who had disabilities and he chose them as friends and looked after them as only a three or four old can?

Would they have shared their sandwich with a homeless person, or looked for them to make sure he could give them his food? My trust-fund-weenie son who was told at the beginning of the semester that of course he could always drop out for a year or two if we couldn’t get the loans for him to attend, or go to a public school because NYU had no funds.

So you mother fucking bastard ignorant idiots, go pick on yourselves.

Dear New York Post, please make sure you pass on the message your ignorant comment leavers.



Andrew’s mummy

Esmeralda Williamson-Noble


Ps. Following are a couple of emails I received that I want to share



I don’t know your name; I found your blog through a news article:


No words can express how sorry I am for your loss.


I’m 25, and just managed to graduate college after 6 long years. It was a struggle. I nearly gave up so many times. I’ve been undergoing treatment for severe depression for close to 5 years now. I’ve so often felt suicidal. So many times I nearly gave in.


Know that Andrew loved you to the end. Mind demons do lots of horrible things to us — but even though they may have the power to drive us to suicide, they do not and cannot diminish the love we have for the people we carry in our hearts. Whatever else he was thinking, he loved you.


I’m sorry I can’t help. I hope this does not offend you. I just felt that I had to write and share this with you.


My sincerest, deepest condolences to you and your family.


Be strong; honour Andrew’s life in your courage.


Sending warm thoughts your way,










I am a student at NYU. I am extremely sorry for your loss. I never met Andrew but I know for sure that he was a great guy. I don’t know if you want to hear this or not but your son’s death has greatly impacted my life. I was probably sleeping peacefully in my bed when it happened but I haven’t been able to sleep peacefully since that day. I couldn’t even step into Bobst. Sometimes I wonder if death is really the answer to all questions? I am dying for someone to hear me, to listen to me, to talk to me. But when I look around, I don’t find anyone. I used to think I was religious and my faith in God was really strong but this is not the case anymore. I feel like ending my life somedays…because I feel like no one will miss me if I am gone. Is that what Andrew felt? Did he feel like no one cared? That he was lonely and that people around him were all actors. I know you are probably asking yourself why is this girl saying all these things to me? Maybe because Andrew found himself in the same situation as me. Maybe because he even though he was surrounded by so many people, he still felt like no one cared? I don’t know, I might be wrong about all this.


I just want to end this email by saying that I am praying for Andrew, you and the rest of your family.


Thank you,



4 thoughts on “PERMISSION TO VENT

  1. To the Williamson-Noble Family: I am the mother of an NYU student whose brother (and my oldest son) took his own life while he was at another college two years ago. I know the tremendous pain you are feeling. I wish you well as you move through this difficult journey.

  2. I’ve been following your journey from afar, Esmeralda, with great sadness. I don’t believe I can add anything that hasn’t already been said. My heart goes out to all of you. I would have liked to help Janet help you, but it wasn’t meant to be. I wish you and your family peace.

  3. I’m sorry that there are those that are so cruel and insensitive. Please know that many of us have cried about your loss and feel your pain deeply. We too are angered by those who take the time to be so flippant. From your tributes to him and the words revealed by your family, you can tell he was loved and that he loved his family. Suicide rarely makes sense. Blessings to your family. I too wish your family strength and love through this difficult journey.

    Reading the emails from those who suffer from depression and are haunted by their own demons, makes one realize how many suffer in silence.
    For those who are suffering with suicidal thoughts or feelings themselves – please get help. Despite how you may feel at your lowest point, there would be a terrible void without you. You can get relief from the pain that does not involve hurting yourself. Reach out to those that love you – there are people who care. If you were to share your pain, they would be there for you. Don’t give up on them. They can’t help you if they don’t know what you are going through. If you can’t reach a friend or family member at a crucial time, here is the contact information for the national suicide hotline. Don’t give up.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s