Yesterday we collected Andrew’s personal effects.
On moving-in day in late August, we had driven into Manhattan in two cars. My husband and I and Andrew’s stuff in one car. Andrew, Robert and more of Andrew’s stuff in the other car. Florentina was already in the city and she met us there. My husband had unilaterally chosen the East-side, and never heard the end of it from all of us West-side Highway loyalists. Still, we got to NYU’s Coral Tower. Nice location, bustling with the added activity of hundreds of students moving in. Vainly looking for carts, waiting for elevators, peeking your head around the door 0f your new room.
My heart full of hope for Andrew. I hoped that after all the difficulties of his mid-year transfer of this past January, it would all be plain sailing for him this year.
It had taken two cars to drive him in nine weeks earlier. A small cardboard box was all it took to bring home his personal effects yesterday.
But his memory, mine and that offered by others, is larger than life. My goodness Andrew, you were a splendid physical Being. Do you realize how hard it is to have to go on without you? The sun doesn’t seem to shine as bright without your ray.
Then I remind myself that you have only gone from sight. Just like when you were in my womb, just because I couldn’t see you didn’t mean that you weren’t there. Just because I couldn’t see you, didn’t mean that you didn’t fill my heart, as well as my tummy.
But my arms ache for you, my sweet Andrew.