Pictures And Sounds

Andrew with older sister Florentina and younger brother Robert at this October's SIDS Fundraiser at the Tribeca Rooftop in memory of their baby brother Alexander. They co-chaired the event

I have been looking at pictures of Andrew. I have many.  Over the course of twenty years, five months and eleven days; there is plenty of time to take pictures.  Still, there comes a time, a day when there is, alas, an  Andrewless occasion.  It’s no good to keep turning the pages, there are no more pictures; unless one starts from the beginning, again. And I do, often.  Of course there are countless snapshots in my mind, in my heart, and those are SO vivid and present and real that I keep being shocked that such lively images are those of someone who is supposedly, dead.  And that’s when I scream, rant and rave at the picture my mind throws at me; the one of Andrew, still beautiful, but dead, on a hospital trolley.

It is a difficult image to fight with.  Warming his forehead with three hundred kisses as my husband did, only worked so far, the rest of his body… cold… but still beautiful.

But… recently we found the recording of a dictation that Andrew did for his Chinese professor.  I was struck by how Andrew’s warm, elegant and sophisticated voice had made this language sound… I’d say as lovely as Italian.  But maybe I am biased. What do you think?

Andrew’s Chinese dictation for his Professor

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4 thoughts on “Pictures And Sounds

  1. I feel deeply for you. I cannot imagine the pain you have to go through.
    I wish people would have a stop feature to prevent them to take their life.
    I know how it feels to be so desperate that you want to leave this world, but then there is always tomorrow. Only sometimes people do not see the tomorrow-and leave. Leave us sad, in pain, in never ending blaming ourselves that we did not prevent this. But this is what he wanted. I hope he is in peace now, and more happy.
    I wish your pain will heal…he is somewhere up there…

    • It is important for people, young people especially to realize that everyone goes through difficult, painful times. It is hard to think that everyone else is happy and we are the only ones who are suffering. The way we leave are lives now, it is full of curves, up and downs. In these times of great change at every level of our planet, we need to stop and reflect about why we are. There is ore to be said, but I’ll stop here. I am touched by your words. My son is indeed resting in Peace for now and praying for our Peace. Thank you Luba for taking the time to reach out to me. God Bless. Esmeralda – Andrew’s Mummy

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