I Am Depressed

“But I was doing so well,” I told my doctor – if crying from morning to night is doing well – but I was functioning.
“You were in shock,” he explained. “And you had people around all the time, that’s what kept you going.”
“I am depressed now. I find it difficult to get up, I just want to hide under the blanket.”
So my wonderful doctor, and he is wonderful, has given me antidepressants, but he’s insisted that I also see a therapist.
In fact he called her himself and I saw her yesterday morning.
I’ve never had therapy before, so I didn’t know what to expect other than it would probably involve some talking.
And talking is what I’ve been doing all along with this blog, isn’t it?
But talking with a therapist is different. The thing is that to lose a loved one to suicide, is very different from losing someone to natural causes. The very fact that someone you love, and who loved you back, chose to take his own life, throws everything, your whole life into question. And it HURTS LIKE HELL.
And here I am, close to lunchtime and still in bed, digging deep to find the will to get up and get dressed and make it all the way to the sofa.
But I know that I’ll get better, I am giving it everything I’ve got. I am using everything I can, western medicine, prayer, law of attraction, therapy and I know that there are people out there cheering me along.
Thank you


4 thoughts on “I Am Depressed

  1. I know you can do it Esmarelda. You are a strong lady and one step at a time, you will succeed. It will be hard, we all know that, but you will do it.

    If there is anything I can do, please call me. I would love to come visit you when you are feeling up to it. We can sit and talk and I will listen.

    Praying for you and your family.


  2. oh Esmeralda…… please keep writing. you are touching on very raw, real emotion that is so important to healing…. YOU, ME, EVERYONE who has experienced loss from suicide. “The very fact that someone you love, and who loved you back, chose to take his own life…” tears…. yep. THAT line, those words, in that order….tears…. yep. exactly! I’m still struggling with that. love, much love to you Esmeralda (((((((((LOVE))))))))))

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