I have so many questions. And instead of answers, I get more questions.
I had a flash back last night, when Evelyn mentioned that you had a neck brace, and I remembered this white thing around your neck. I remembered the doctor at the hospital telling us:
“Please don’t touch him here, please don’t touch him there.”
We couldn’t touch you anywhere. But did you feel the hundreds of kisses that Daddy gave you on your forehead to warm it up?
Lately I have been telling myself off for not having had the wits to lift the sheet covering your body, and take a good look at you. For that matter I am so annoyed for not even looking at your face properly. But I was terrified that you might look different, that you might really look dead.
I saw the spot from where you jumped. I saw the spot where you landed, and my wicked mind conjures up images of what happened between the jumping and the landing. My soul shudders each time…
“I dreamed of Andrew last night,” Florentina told me the day before yesterday.
“Tell me, tell me,” I am all ears.
“We were walking, he stayed by my side and then he hugged me. I felt the hug.”
“I am so happy for you,’ I said, tears streaming down my face. “You always dream of him, I wish I did too.”
“I write him letters,” my daughter tells me.
And so here I am, writing to you. Dearest Andrew, can you come into my dreams? Can you show me where you live? Can you stay and chat for a bit? Can you give us all a hug? A huge one for Daddy whose heart is completely broken. And your little brother who hurts so much, that he can’t even talk about what he feels.
Please Andrew, we need to see you. We need to know a bit more about where you are and what you are up to.
Gosh, I just remembered! Today is Valentine’s Day, what an unusual “card” to write on such a day.
Let me end here.
Lots of love Darling Andrew, LOTS and LOTS of hugs and kisses,
Your adoring Mummy.