Signs From Spirit

Nightwish - Andrew's favorite band - Both Hugh and I have come to love their music too

I don’t know about you, but I believe that our loved ones who are in Spirit, do communicate with us. They do try to let us know that they are still around.
The day after Andrew’s Memorial Concert at the Bitter End by Ippazzi, we were in the kitchen with my cousin who had come from Italy especially, when the bell rang. Florentina and I went to the door, but when we opened it, there was nobody there. We looked around, left, right and center but there was no one to be seen.
‘It must be Andrew,” no sooner had Florentina and I said that, than the bell rang five or six times before becoming silent again.
And it is a bittersweet thing, this kind of communication. On the one hand it is exciting and on the other, no matter what, all the looking around, all the reaching into the air, leaves one with empty hands, or, I should say, empty arms.

I had a reading recently. At the end of it, the woman told me how someone she knew who’d lost a child, had clear signs from her child, such as a white Dove sitting in the middle of the side-walk. On her way to work, the mother had to walk around it because the Dove wouldn’t move.
A few days later, on the son’s birthday, a white Dove appeared in the front garden and stayed there for hours. And lastly, this same white Dove, accompanied the father on a motorbike ride, flying next to him on the highway, at 55 MPH.

But I want to see my son, not white Doves, I thought. Nevertheless I am always looking at animals with an extra keen eye, particularly crows, because on Halloween, two days before he died, Andrew had dressed up as The Crow to go to a party.
And a dear friend of Andrew, more like a brother to him and a son to me, recounted how, a few days after Andrew died, he had looked out the window while doing the washing up in my kitchen, when he saw a crow sitting on the lawn staring right at him. After a few moments, the crow flew right toward the window and only before hitting the glass did he veer and fly off. Neither he, nor I when he told me, had any doubt that the crow had been Andrew.
I was so unbearably sad and down a few weeks ago, when a friend of Andrew from Drexel called me out of the blue, to tell me that she had seen Andrew. Β I won’t go into all the details right now, but suffice it to say, that my son had found a way through this girl to send me a loving message. πŸ™‚
And finally, I was very sad yesterday. Every cell of my body filled with excruciating loss, my whole body vibrating in painful disbelief, it is not possible, he cannot be gone, he cannot have died. In that state, blinded by tears, I climbed into my car ( the beautiful pepper-white mini with the number plate ANDREW20.) As soon as I pushed the ignition button, a CD popped out of the CD player.Β  It was a CD by Nightwish, Andrew’s favorite band. I knew that it was Andrew who’d done that.
And I know that it is Andrew who keeps watch over me at night, so that I don’t get scared while Hugh is away.

But look Andrew, why can’t you come in person, so that I can actually see you?
We miss you darling.

23 thoughts on “Signs From Spirit

  1. Dear Esmeralda,

    I felt that.

    your post…

    Again, it went right to my heart.

    I am in Newport, Rhode Island this weekend.

    We took our usual route – 95 to exit 3A – Route 138

    Past URI and then…

    A little antique book store that I now refer to as “Kerry’s favorite Antique Book Store”

    I’m certain he had not labeled it his favorite but I am grateful for the memory of stopping. Particularly the fact that I listened to his request and pulled over.

    Seeing it typically comforts me – reminding me that I listened.

    But yesterday, I cried.

    I cried all the way through route 138 – across the bridge and into Newport.

    Kerry and I went here, Kerry and I went there…

    There are days when the memories and messages are simply not enough. And I get angry, FUCKING ANGRY that he’s not with me.


    Sometimes I can’t breath…the pain is so deep and so massive, there is no room for air.

    A white owl came to me a few weeks before his death. It sat on the “away side” of high school bleachers, watching me run mindlessly around a track. Day after day, this nocturnal creature sat in the morning light and watched me run.

    Today, I’m watching the gulls glide and dip into the wind. And I’m waiting for a message from Kerry.

    Kerry are you near?
    Are you happy?
    What are you doing?
    I’m sorry!
    Wait for me

    I love you…

    • I am sad, sad, sad. I have been staring into space most of the day, trying to break through, intentionally or accidentally.
      Did Kerry buy anything when the two of you stopped?
      I’ve never been to Rhode Island.
      Happy Whee Week-end πŸ™‚

  2. Dearest Esmeralda,

    Thank you for reminding me that life does indeed go on … as does LOVE. These small miracles assure us of that. I understand now why Shannon brought us together. I had many communications of this kind following the death of my late husband, George, who was truly my soul mate. Although I was comforted by each of them, the missing him remained. Sometimes, I felt I would die from the heartache, and would be happy to do so. His communications are not as frequent now, but I have finally come to understand the full significance of them. Your story makes me marvel all over again. God bless you as you struggle with your own grief in such a generous way.

    Marilyn Olenick

    • I wish there was a… a vocabulary or rather a signsbulary… you know what I mean, flicking pages… oh here it is: CD pops out of CD player= the song was finished, he she didn’t walk out in the middle of it – Wow… that JUST came out… “joking” aside, maybe that’s what IT meant!
      Not that this makes it hurt less. But I’ve never blamed him, or being angry with him and to see him being so sweet, trying to explain… Oh my sweet boy!
      Thank you Marylin.

  3. Once shortly after my son died, I went to the cemetary. I talked to him even though I knew he wasn’t there. Only his dead body. I had recieved thoughts or signs of comfort other times when I had gone. I left comfortless after having said all I had to say that day into the silence. I thought As I was leaving, “just let me know now and then that you are near.” I unlocked my car door; got in; put on my seatbelt; pressed play on the cd player; and looked over my shoulder to reverse out from where I was parked ( which didn’t make sense bc it would have been just as easy to drive forward). As I looked over my shoulder the words that came out of the speakers at that precise instant were “just look over your shoulder…I’ll be there.” ( from the Disney Tarzan soundtrack; included in a collection of songs another son created for his viewing before the funeral). I cried grateful tears of amazed “coincidence”. I’m crying tears of longing for what I miss about my son– his amazing smile and sensitivity; his one of a kind zaniness and enthusiasm; his drive to succeed; his ability to connect with anyone; his incredibly perfect posture; the way he showed he cared about me; his arm around my shoulder–I miss it all and so much more.

    But I know he still exists. I know despite the sorrows we must learn to patiently live through, life is about learning to live happily. I know I can trust my son to the loving Divine. He will make all things right and whole. And I know that as spiritual beings having a mortal experience, eternity is nearer than we realize. Though I miss my son, this knowledge gives me immense hope. Yet there are moments or hours or days when I say to those around me…just let me cry…

    • Knowing that he has only gone from sight, and that we are true nature is spirit, has helped me immensely. It has not taken away the hurt, the grief, the sorrow, the sadness, the anguished longing and cravings, the emotional bleeding, but all that has taken place within that centering knowledge of life everlasting.

  4. I don’t understand why you jump to the conclusion that Andrew is communicating with you. A bell rings, you cannot find the source. This is not evidence that a spirit world exists which interacts with our physical realm. If it were true, it would be very, VERY easy to prove it existed.

    I don’t mean to sound callous, but when someone tells me that their doorbell rang a few times, and when they answered the door that no one was there, my first thought isn’t “spirits must have done it”, it’s “some kid probably rang the bell and ran off to hide” or “someone was ringing the bell and walked off” or even “there was an electrical glitch and the bell rang.” All of these are infinitely more plausible than belief in the supernatural, because we know that they can all happen without the additional assumption that there are alternate planes of reality.

    A CD in the CD player. It’s impossible that someone else was in the car and wanted to listen to that CD. Not Hugh or Robert? Maybe it was you, and you’d forgotten. Why jump to a supernatural conclusion?

    You say that you have “no doubt” that these things are true. Why? I wish to understand what leads you to make these conclusions about the nature of the universe.

    • Bortner, is that your real name? Anyway, thank you for reading my blog. By the way what is your reason for reading it? I wish to understand.
      Okay, look, I think that the best thing you and I can do here is; agree to disagree. No really, don’t you think? I mean, for the life of me I have no idea how you come to the conclusions you do, in fact I am baffled by them, and I can already tell that no amount of explaining is going to make any difference to how you and I see things. None!
      I have to admit that initially I thought you were being cute… you know… funny, but then I saw that you were serious. However, between you and I and nobody else, the arguments you put forward are very lame to be honest. I’ll just explain one thing because I don’t want to leave you hanging, you, or anyone else actually, cannot ring my doorbell and hide, but for you to understand that you’d have to come to my house, and that would be too much trouble.
      Oh, almost forgot, indeed the CD was put in the car’s CD player by either Hugh or Robert, not me though, of that I am certain. No, I never questioned how the CD got into the CD player, what did I say that made you think that?
      Wish I could be of more help. Take care now. πŸ™‚

      PS You know I just re-read the part about the CD, and I can see that it can be confusing. As soon as I pushed the ignition button the CD popped out of the CD player, I was talking about the fact that
      it popped out, do CDs normally pop out of your CD player by themselves? They don’t in either of my cars.

  5. Dear Bortner,
    first you can not prove it was “not” supernatural.

    In my case, it definitely could have been coincidental. However I have had other spiritual, or supernatual, experiences that I know without a doubt provide sufficient proof of the existence of a spiritual realm. To illustrate, describe how salt tastes. Besides saying “salty” one cannot. And one can only say salt is salty by having experienced how salt tastes. I have experienced spiritual things, therefore I know how they “taste”. Second illustration, I can sit in my room and identify what birds I am hearing bc I have learned their calls and songs–how they sound. Another person sitting in the same room without that knowledge 1) might hear them but not be able to identify them or 2) might not even notice them. Same with spiritual messages or experiences. Some people choose to not obtain the knowledge to recognize spiritual things. It’s there, just like the birds, but not something they perceive.

    • I could not have put it better myself. You are very kind and I hope that Bortner will be ale to benefit from your truly great explanation. Thank you.

      • Oh Esmeralda…look what I just found…I hope you enjoy listening to this too…

        Here are the lyrics:

        Until We’re Together Again
        Β© Katherine J. Cochran (BMI)
        Vocal by Tiffany Coburn

        Some believe
        A star shining brightly in the heavens
        Represents the love of someone they can’t see
        Others feel
        The butterfly dancing in their garden
        Is a symbol of a spirit flying free

        But when a gentle breeze caresses your hair
        Or you see an eagle soar in the air
        Should you smile and remember me in prayer
        Oh, I will be there

        There’s no need to say good-bye
        One day we’ll be together
        Remember me and smile
        I’m in your heart forever
        I’ll feel the love you send
        Until we’re together again

        Close your eyes
        You’ll find me sailing in the sunset
        Riding waves of bluest oceans ever seen
        Holding hands
        Of all the others here before me
        My head upheld to hear the angels sing

        I can do all the things I’ve always dreamed of
        I’ll be watching over you from above
        Don’t worry about me because
        I brought along all your love

        There’s no need to say good-bye
        One day we’ll be together
        Remember me and smile
        I’m in your heart forever
        I’ll feel the love you send
        Until we’re together again

        It doesn’t matter where you are
        My love will shine upon you from that star
        Like the butterfly, now I’m free
        Ascending through the sky peacefully

        (final chorus)
        There’s no need to say good-bye
        One day we’ll be together
        Remember me and smile
        I’m in your heart forever
        I’ll feel the love you send
        All the love you send
        And you hold on to the love I send
        Until we’re together again

        We’ll be together again

        Be sure to read the story of how the song was written on the website
        Aloha ~ ❀
        Rayo πŸ™‚

  6. I have no doubt that my husband turned my Christmas lights and back porch light off on the first cold night I was alone without him. Although it was something he did every night, my first thought on that sad night was that something was wrong with the lights or circuits, so I called my son. When he came down to check it out, both lights went back on as soon as he touched them and there was never a problem again. I had similar experiences on every “first,” on my first New Year’s Day without him, on our first anniversary apart, etc. I suspect that only someone who has had such experiences can believe they are more than coincidence. When they happen to you, Bortner, you will KNOW.

  7. Esmeralda, your invitation to share stories of messages / signs of love and comfort from our loved ones who live in spirit reminded me of a website about After-Death Communications (ADCs) I came across a few months back while trying to understand grieving. Here is a page from the site:

    Rayo πŸ™‚


  8. My father died in December 2005 of alzheimers. I caled my mother New Years Eve and she told me that she was sitting on the couch watching tv when she turned and saw my father sitting right there and she kissed him on the cheek and he said I miss you. She went to hug him and he vanished but her experience of kissing his cheek was that it was solid. A friend of mine had a friend she used to joke with and they made a pact that whoever died first would contact the other and tell them what it was like on the other side. My friend named Stephanie was downstairs visiting a neighbor when the neighbor’s land line rang and the call was for Stephanie not the neighbor. It was the deceased friend who basically identified himself and said “I just called to tell you it’s nice over here”. I knew two women who volunteered taking care a client who died of cancer. they were both deeply in the grief process. One day about two weeks after the passing of their volunteer client, the phone rang and it was him saying “I just wanted you to know I’m fine” and I have had my own experience of seeing a deceased friend about a week after he died completely in the flesh and I was with a another friend of his who also saw him The best part of seeing him was instead of being freaked out we both had this feeling of complete calm and peace wash over us. So why am I writing all of this? because there is so much experiential evidence that life does continue regardless of spiritual or metaphysical beliefs or lack thereof. People are experiencing contact with loved ones. It doesn’t have to be as dramatic as a phone call or an actual visitation. The subtle language of signs and symbols can be the secret intimate language between those separated by physical life and death. Take those secret exchanges and hold them in your heart like a love note. because that’s what they are.

    • THANK YOU! It is so nice to hear from you. Thank you for taking the time to write about all those nice examples and experiences.
      Every day I wonder when and how I’ll hear from him.
      I miss him SO MUCH
      Love, Esmeralda

  9. I have several experiences with signs – I guess this could be book2. Great Idea to create a Signsvocabulary. The only issue I see is that the signs are different to each individual.
    I do have a spirit friend that visits me on occasion. I got to know him through assisting someone else through their greiving / healing process. Which I have learned can continue everyday of this earth life.
    Everyday that they think of him as he died by suicide or crossing over as he likes to say. Here are some signs that show up for me. I was listening to a cd in my car, he shows up in my backseat – I can feel his presence, I dont always see. Once I have met someone(spirit being) I always Know who they are. Just like earth life I meet someone I connect to them and know who they are. He tells me the song I am listening too is about what happened when he left. Many times there is something he wants to share or for me to learn. thats a different book πŸ™‚ Some other signs:
    nudging my shoulder to tell me to say his words and not my interpretation. Sometimes I am shown pictures or movies, sometimes his words dont make any sense to me. It’s for the loved one – the’ll know its real.
    Butterflies(monarch), Dragonflies. I have been having many dragonflies around my house lately. I was at a special waterfall I go to often. Many times I receive visits there. Also butterflies, dragonflies and humming birds. Many times I am asked to pick up mememtoes to give loved ones. Mostly rocks from the waterfall. Pictures being moved, and music I am listening to. I had a experience where I was talking to a friend and I was shown a picture. I thought nothing of it at the time. Many weeks later I was watching a movie called “the gift.” During this movie a spirit being came into my room. They told me the picture I was given was for a reason. (this person is considered missing by police until their body is found) I was given futher information to contact local law enforement so her family can have peace. This is still in process at this time. I have done what I have been asked to do. I have also had dreams too. My dreams are real. For me they are messages. Especially when it happens 3 times in one night. I have been attuned to listen to spirit communcations whether I see, hear, feel, or know.

    • Andrew makes his presence known – sometimes – when I get in the car the CD, one of Andrew’s, pos out and the pops back in. Last night at my Uncle’s house, we were sitting in dark in the garden, when the light turned itsdelf on. My My daughter and I said: It’s Andrew. My Uncle turned it off and it immediately turned itself on again.
      I just wish I could hug him, I would love to see him.
      In a dream I had in May, I saw him in a room by himself, sitting on the floor i think, and he looked pale and suffering.
      I love him so much!!!!!!!!!!

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