Phone Call

"The Time"


Andrew died on November 3, 2009; five months ago today.
How unfathomable that my being has been gouged by my own flesh and blood. By my precious, precious son.
Like a string, pain connects me to him.

But now… I am laughing… Hugh is running late to pick up Florentina from the city. The phone rings, Hugh answers; nobody there. I continue writing, Hugh dials *69, tracks the number: 410 844-1212 and calls it back.

"The phone call"

The telephone rings

“Do you know who that was?” he asks, bursting into the bedroom smiling from ear to ear.
“When the phone rang I was wondering what time it was,” Hugh explains, suddenly transformed by excitement and wonder, his face is like that of a child on Christmas morning. “When I called the number back it was a time service.”
“What do you mean? What’s a time service” I asked, sitting upright.
“When I dialled, a male voice at the other end gave the exact time.”
“It was Andrew!” I exclaimed.
“I think so,” Hugh agreed, smiling as he hadn’t since Andrew died.

Hugh has gone to pick up Florentina. I am still here, reflecting.
Five months ago we got a phone call to tell us that Andrew had died, this morning we got a phone call to tell us the time.
The time of the day, the time of the month, the time of the year, the time to… What??????


12 thoughts on “Phone Call

  1. the date is a big deal to me also… for me, its a 27. When I see it – on someones jersey, on a license plate, or in my face in some way..I smile because it reminds me of Kerry,and it reminds me that I remain connected to him. I also get phone calls, only they are from “fax” beep, beep, beep. I used to get annoyed by the fax calls and then we realized they come on days that are meaningful to Kerry – his son gets an award, or a birthday, etc. xoxo

    • Sorry E, I’m just trying to figure out how WordPress works to follow blogs I like reading and to follow comment threads when I leave comments. Rayo 🙂

      • I will ask one of my daughter’s friends who’s coming to lunch today. In fact he’s the one who helped me set up the blog.

  2. “Aw righ!” I signed up for a wordpress account so I think the “dashboard” features will let me know abt your / others replies to my comments. But I had to change my name 😦 But my new monicker means the same thing in Hawaiian 🙂

    Rayo 🙂

  3. The two day workshop is an “intervention” method. I used the wrong word when I said “prevention”. I met another survivor today who’s father died by suicide more than 25 years ago. I was the first survivor she had ever spoken with! I find that incredible but must take her word.

    Oh, attending this workshop saddens me bc I wish I could have had this knowledge before my son died. It comforts me bc it gives me greater understanding and compassion for the struggle my son experienced fighting to choose life when some part of him screamed incessantly to end the pain and end the struggle. If only we could have had more knowing eyes. If only he could have opened up to us. If only…but this if only somehow gives me hope that this lack of knowledge does not condemn any of us but serves a greater purpose of helping us all learn things we would never have learned but for this experience. That there is purpose and good that can come from this. For some reason all I’m feeling today is love and compassion. I love you, son! Thanks for all you’ve helped me learn and understand.

    • I am so glad. The one thing I’ve always felt, known, amongst all the confusion, is that our lost ones do not deserve blame, criticism or anger, only love, gratitude and compassion. A safe loving place in our hearts where they can finally rest below, as above.

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