Dear Hedi’sAngel – Letter To A Reader



Instead of writing the following as a reply to a comment, I have decided to make it into a post.
The stat counter tells me that, for whatever reasons, hundreds of you read this blog every day, occasionally even thousands. I am humbled that so many find what I write, worth reading.
And I am also grateful that, even though the majority of you don’t leave a comment, you are engaged enough on the subject, to come and read the blog every day. You now know a lot more about suicide, and the effects of suicide, than most people. And there are times, or there will be times, when you will find yourself explaining something on the subject, or maybe, even be called upon, to intervene.
The one thing we know for sure is that, one never knows.

Anyway, what I wanted to say is that comments, both “good and bad,” are what a dialogue is made of.
So, please feel free to comment

Dear Hedi’sAngel,

I want to say thank you for caring enough to read this blog and taking the time to express your opinion.
Your comments are truly helpful in generating a dialogue, in giving everyone the opportunity of going beyond reading about someone’s day.

I love writing. Writing helps me in many, many ways. But this blog is not like a book that one reads for pleasure, (at least I don’t think it is). I mean, in the first few days after Andrew’s death, I was just crying through the keyboard. I was not thinking anything, I felt, I felt the devastation in my heart, in my family’s heart.
When not dulled by sedatives, my whole being screamed and wreathed, and writing, forcing myself to write, helped me remain compos mentis enough to survive, and help my family, survive.
But as time went by, although the reason for writing, self-expression, remained, something else came, the desire to stimulate a dialogue.
Dialogue as one of the tools that will ultimately help us get suicide OUT of the room.
Each word each one of us writes, utters, is a light. Eventually all our little lights will join into a beacon so bright, that suicide will have nowhere to hide.

Thank you Dear Hedi’sAngel.


11 thoughts on “Dear Hedi’sAngel – Letter To A Reader

  1. Yes, let’s not debate. It’s not about “proving” your point, (perspective,belief, opinion) is “right”. It’s about getting as many points out in the open to examine with their respective rationales so we can deepen and broaden our knowledge and understanding. Let’s dialogue. In that process we’ll open our minds and hearts to possibilities we never would have thought or felt on our own.

    Esmeralda, I really like the last thought you wrote about all of our little lights creating a beacon of light. < ====

    • From the very beginning, I saw Andrew’s death as the beginning of light for others. They kindled the flame, it is up to us to keep it going, to let it die… that would be death.

  2. I’m new to your blog. Reading what I can read, as I can read it.

    For me, it was my beloved Daddy who took his own life. I was all of 14 years old.

    The ensuing guilt, terror, and lonliness was more than I could deal with. I put it on a shelf.

    A few years ago, as it approached the 25th anniversary and a friend was suicidal, I realized I could no longer forget what was always with me.

    It still hurts. I’m guessing it always will.

    I’m just now learning how very many of us there are.

    • Dear Peggi… what can one say? As you are learning, there are many of us, too many.
      Painful things cannot be repressed, sooner or later they have to come out and dealt with. Have you been to a support group? Do you know anyone else who has lost someone to suicide?
      Did you read my entry about the Suicide Awareness & Prevention Fair that I am organizing? Perhaps you could help us with that and you might find to be therapeutical.
      Please stay in touch and let us know how you are doing.
      Big hug, Esmeralda

      • I will read that post. My blog has a few postings of what I’ve been through with my Dad. (as well as a poem that I wrote to him on the 25th anniversary of his death)
        Support groups, no. I’ve not. I’m not much of a support group person …although I’m sure I will be a part of one at some point in the future .. I’m majoring in psychology in school. Most psych majors end up in at least one group as part of their schooling. (not all, but most)

      • I will read your blog. I am not a support group type person either, but some people find very beneficial/ Where do you live? Are you in New York?

  3. As a suicide survivor (my dear sister took her life almost five years ago), I find reading your blog reminds me of the rawness of those early months….I think of you and your family often, and send you strength and love …

    There are times that I have “brought it into the open” (as my sister would certainly have wanted me to) and other times I have needed to “put it on the shelf” for a while…this seems like an OK pattern for this peculiarly painful and difficult form of grief…
    Your blog is shining a light on a subject that remains quite taboo … and this is a good thing…
    The AFSP organises an “Out of the Darkness” sponsored walk, an event that my teenage son and I participated in and found to be a powerful and healing experience…

    • I am sorry for your loss too Claire. I know that the loss of a sibling is no less than that of a parent, I’ve only to look at my children to know that.
      Thank you for thinking of us. Your name sounds familiar, do we know each other?
      I know about the AFSP walk, I think they do great work and I have been to their conference and lobbied on The Hill.
      I am organizing a Suicide Awareness & Prevention Fair, called: Get Your Wellness On!
      Would you like to help us? I wrote an entry about a few days ago, it explains what the Fair will be like.
      I look forward to hearing from you often. Hugs,

    • Why is suicide “taboo” to talk about?! I never had that mindset! I just never thought to talk about it until it became part of my life experience. I never thought about hiding it’s reality. But I now have to bc close members of my family want it that way and I want to respect their grief.

  4. Hi Peggikaye, I went to your blog and did a search for the word “suicide” and was able to read the letter your handwrote in 2003 and the poem. My son died by suicide. I am not shocked by how your experience and grief was brushed aside by others. Sadly, that was not uncommon then and still occurs to some degree today. Although, happily not so much. It seems as though you’ve been able to experience healing especially in the past recent years. I hope you will find the dialogue happening in this blog brings more healing. **blessings**

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