If You Are Feeling Suicidal, Or If You Need To Talk, Please Call The National Helpline 1-800-273-8255
I hadn’t left the house for a few days, and when my friend Terry called suggesting we go for a walk, I agreed. That’s right, I didn’t say yes, I agreed.
“Not today though,” I said. “Can we do it tomorrow?”
“Of course,” she said. “But are you sure that you don’t want to get out for some fresh air now? We could just sit in the sun.”
“No, I can’t,” I was able to say before my throat tightened, warning me of impending tears.
Having had a day to prepare myself, yesterday, after doing my computer “chores” (writing), I showered, got dressed and jumped into my Mini with the ANDREW20 number plate and drove to meet Terry.
We walked on the aqueduct to a place where there is a rose garden. Ancient plantings of Cedar trees form a living fence around the orchard down the slope, on a level stretch of land, where the fertile run-offs from above come to rest and feed the fruit trees.
How natural and harmonious everything used to be. Watching Nature in its pristine state, one can see what a supportive, loving environment was bequeathed to us at the dawn of time.
Every tree, every bush, every blade of grass, grew in harmony with each other and in support of each other.
Nature is a reflection of the human body, everything in creation is a mirror image of “creation.”
Sitting in the rose garden, protected from the winds by the tall Cedars, I felt protection from more than the wind. I felt the nurturing protection of creation. Given the chance, every single leaf on every tree, every blade of grass on the ground, would nurture and protect us.
That is why, determined as I was to want to ignore this cyclical burst of life, I couldn’t. Not for long.
And it was there, in the sheltered sun, resting on a stone bench, that Terry and I talked about Andrew, about suicide, about the Fair…
“You see Terry, this is not about creating another Foundation. This is about creating a movement!” That’s how and where, what needed to be done, became crystal clear to me.
” … We are a movement,” I expounded in an email to another survivor. “An advocacy movement, a noise making movement, a loving movement as demonstrated by you, by the blog. When we get the chance, when people come to us we nurture them, we spring into action if action is possible, we talk, we engage people – We are a movement that transcends individual organizations; rather, we bring resources together. And we think outside the box, hence the Eastern/Western holistic approach to health, healing, surviving and thriving. This is my vision!…”
Terry listened and nodded as I explained my vision to her.
“And, Terry… I want to ask you something and I hope you’ll say yes,” I said, and she laughed. “I would like you to be on the committee…”
“I have wondered how I could help,” she said.
“You could be our Art Director. We need a logo, we need to brand ourselves and become recognizable and recognized.”
“I’ve reminded Peter three times (her husband Peter Sis) about the logo.”
“I know, but he is busy with all the books he is working on. But I thought that Madeleine (their daughter) could draw something and maybe Peter could give it the final touch. Besides,” I added. “Young people want and need to be involved. They need to take ownership of their Wellness. What a better way than to involve them in the creation of this Wellness movement.”
I am happy to say, that as of last night Madeleine has agreed to make a few sketches and I can’t wait to see what this highly creative teenager will come up with.
And so, here I am, out of the doldrums for now. And this is how it is, isn’t it? Taking one day at a time, allowing the grief, but allowing life too. After all there is no pain without gain! 😉
By the way, an important by the way – Thank you to all of you who have stepped up to help with The Fair. That we have people helping from different States and across the Oceans, is a story in itself! Please keep volunteering, my dream is to have at least one person from each State to be part of this.
Thank you everybody and thank you my darling Andrew,