IF YOU ARE FEELING SUICIDAL OR NEED TO TALK CALL THE NATIONAL LIFELINE NUMBER
I was re-reading this comment a friend left around Christmas. I am posting it here as it fits in with the
“Share Your Story” initiative, aimed at providing a space to “unburden” and to show suicide’s long range effect. I also believe that Sharing Our Story is another tool to help us raise awareness.
ps This friend of mine is quite the performer by the way. He made me laugh in the midst of my tears. In fact he makes me laugh often. Thank you 😉
None of us know what to do. Well, I can’t speak for everyone else, but I sure as hell don’t know what do to…except to call more often and tell you all that I love you. That’s probably a good idea.
If Andrew suddenly re-appeared, I’d throttle him! I’d say, “Do you know what your mother has put us all through!” I’d say. “Do you know how lousy, how fucking lousy (am I allowed to swear on this thing?) it has been to watch your mom and dad and sister and little brother go through this? Don’t ever, EVER do this again, and I mean it.”
That’s stupid, right? But I’d be lying if I denied that ideas like this come into my mind. This wasn’t suppose to happen. None of us were prepared. This wasn’t in the script and worse yet we can’t find the re-wind button and try to do this over again.
Now we are all stuck trying to make sense of this. Perhaps this is a “guy” thing, but I am trying to make sense of this. It is like trying to assemble some complicated gadget from the store except the instructions are in Chinese and I have this sneaking suspicion that some parts are missing. I want to figure it out, like solving some rubrik’s cube, and then call everyone and say, “I got it! I got it! I figured this out. Whew, that was a hard one, wasn’t it? But now it makes sense.”
See? That’s as stupid as my other comments. Maybe one of the reasons we are all grumpy about this is that we all feel stupid. Every once in a while I get this inspiration to say something profound or spiritual, thanks goodness I know to STFU lest the entire Williamson-Noble family come after me with pitch forks. Trying to be profound just comes off like being smug, and that is revolting. People who are smug need to be punished in some physical way, don’t you think?
The first big holiday is suppose to be the worst, so, on the cheery side, you have over 51 weeks before the next Christmas to see if this is true or not.
And, in some morbid way, the idea of Esmeralda saying to a chirpy waitress, “Merry Fucking Christmas, yourself, bitch, just bring us the bill.” …well… I find that satisfying. I am not suggesting you do this, but let’s be honest, we have all felt like that sometime. In the years to come, it would become part of the family legend, “Do you remember that waitress’s face when mom said…” and then there would be hysterical laughter.
But then, maybe not, it could backfire. The reaction we want would be a “shock and awe, shivering in her boots, nervous terror.” But the waitress could fire back something awful – and I think we all agree that picking a fight with Esmeralda would be a mistake and would only end up with everyone getting indigestion. Or the waitress could burst into tears and then everyone would feel sort-of bad. Or the host could come to the table and say, “Was there something wrong with the burger?”
Perhaps it’s better to eat at home for a little while longer. That way you can avoid, “Hi, my name is Kathy and I am going to be your waitress. Would you like to hear about our holiday specials?”