Sometimes

IF YOU ARE FEELING SUICIDAL OR NEED TO TALK CALL THE NATIONAL LIFELINE ON
1-800-273-8255

Today’s entry is by a young college student, Naiomi.
In this short, powerful piece, Naiomi shares with us her daily struggles with depression and suicidal thoughts. Naiomi is seeing a therapist and is on medications.
From her pictures you can see that she is a sweet young girl putting her best foot forward, to overcome her struggles.
I first “met” Naiomi when she left a message on the blog, offering to help with the Fair.
I am happy to say that she is now an enthusiastic committee member, and, college finals notwithstanding, she has been more than happy to share her thoughts, particularly about the logo we are working on 😉
Naiomi is also going to get a fan page going for “Get Your Wellness On”
If you want to join Naiomi’s team please let us know.

"Naiomi (on the right) with a friend"

Naiomi (on the right) with a friend



Sometimes I find it hard to breathe, to get out of bed, to just live.
Sometimes the only place I feel safe is in my bed, snuggled and comforted by my warm blankets, and kept company by my wild, imaginative dream. Laying in bed all the stresses of the day melt away and sleep provides my only relief and escape. But unfortunately, I can’t spend all day sleeping. I have classes to attend, friends to meet, responsibilities to attend to.
Sometimes it takes all of my strength to just get through the day and I wonder, why? Why do I keep on going forward? Why keep on living? What’s the point?
Sometimes I can barely concentrate. Any words that appear in front of me bleed and blend into one another until I can’t tell them apart.
Sometimes, I walk through the day in a haze, weighed down by an invisible burden that chokes me and refuses to let me live.
Sometimes death feels so inviting, it whispers in my ear promising to end my pain and emptiness and transport me to a different, better world
But there are other times where I look up at the beautiful blue sky and feel at peace with myself and the world.
There are times, hanging with my friends in our dorm, joking and laughing where I feel…happy.
There are times where talking with my professors, confessing to them my pain and anguish while they listen intently where I feel loved and cherished.
But most of the time, the bad days, the pain, the sorrow make it hard for me to see, to experience the good times the happy times. Most of the time the pain and sorrow cloud my mind, my body, my days.

Dearest Naiomi,
What a beautiful, sweet, generous, brave and strong spirit you have.
Imagine that I, Rayo, Shannon, Kristina, Florentina, Dave, my Andrew, my husband, Robert, Rayo’s Michael, and many, many others, imagine that we are all standing, batts in hands, ready to defend you against sorrow, pain, anguish, emptiness and death trying to creep into your mind.
You are not alone dear child, you are not alone, remember that. And imagine this motley crew standing in front you, who, in their mind would want to mess with us?
Lots of love Naiomi,
from me Esmeralda, and hundreds of others. 🙂

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14 thoughts on “Sometimes

  1. Dear Naioma,
    I am so deeply touched by your words. First, let me congratulate you for having the courage to share your feelings. I imagine it is very healing for you to do so, but know that it is also very, VERY healing for those of us who have lost someone to suicide.
    I struggle to understand. My son, Kerry, kept most of his pain to himself so I have many unanswered questions. You are taking control of your depression and doing everything in your power to heal yourself…that IS FANTASTIC!!! and, it takes great courage to face your obstacles head on.
    I look forward to meeting you. I’d also like to introduce you to my daughter Lindsay, who is 19 years old. She has struggled with a lot of loss in her life. Please keep sharing and I’ll keep reading.
    Love, Light and Laughter, Shannon
    Kerry’s Mom

      • Hi Esmeralda,

        I wrote to you probably a month ago. Our daughter had several suicide attempts. She is the Megan who is now a certified Yoga instructor and we are in the beginnings of starting a Yoga business in York, PA

        I will ask her about her schedule and her interest in the event. It would be so great if we could go and get involved! I lived in NYC and have many relatives there. So no excuse to not attend beyond the desire to be involved in the first place. She is such a great instructor – really versatile and open to all kinds of Yoga including parent/child, very gentle Yoga for beginners who kind of don’t get it but want to give it a try. And Yoga for young children. I will speak with her in greater detail and will stay posted through your blog. I really, really hope Erica (pro golfer) did not take her life!

        I hope Robert is feeling better. I have learned through therapy to face my feelings, no matter how hard it is. I think Megan has too and she has taught me this. She still has her difficult times (don’t we all) but her inner strength is helpiong her to focus on life. Have you read “Peace is Every Step?” I am going to start reading tonight. I understand it has changed lives. Author Thich Nhat Hanh. Love, Cindy

      • Hi Cindy, nice to hear from you again. I would love you and your daughter and all your relatives to get involved and give hand. Your daughter could work with Olga who is in charge of the yoga classes at the Fair, we do need others. Your daughter would LOVE Olga, trust me!
        By the way, you were on my list of people to contact to ask for help, but you preceded me. I am going to put you and your daughter down!
        I have not heard of the book you mention but I am sure that I would enjoy it.
        Look forward to hearing from you. 🙂

  2. Dear Naiomi – My son Teddy died of suicide, in February 2009, at the age of 17 as a high school junior. This is why I read this blog. Your words are deeply moving. It’s clear you have a lot of pain and sadness, but it’s also clear you are a strong young woman who has great self-awareness and courage. We are all rooting for you. You are not alone; I hope you know that and remember it. And apropos of nothing, I also love your name. My mother’s name was Ruth Naomi, like the two Bible characters (sisters?) – but just spelled differently. Thank you for writing such an open, honest and moving piece. Stay well. Please. With prayers and wishes, Carla xo

  3. Hi Naiomi
    Great to hear you talking about your depression. It is that great social disease that many are ashamed of because it seems to be “their fault” for not being “normal” when in reality depression is “normal”. I belong to the Nutters Club on facebook in NZ. Our slogan is “there are more of us than you”.
    Great to hear you have friends who make you feel happy and that you can feel at peace with yourself. Those proves to me that yu are able to love yourself. You need to practice that by doing the things you like and steering away from things that make you tired and lose hope. Good that you are getting counselling. And you have the team here to ‘bat’ for you as Esmeralda says.
    My daughter found handling her brothers death 3 years ago activated her depression. Fortunately, like yourself, she had great friends who rallied round her. She even adopted one as her ‘new brother’ knowing that he would protect her. It was a huge relief for me and her mother to know she had a ‘new brother’.
    My ‘thing’ is that young people like yourself have the answers, you just need to organise, support one another, throw your energy into the things you love doing. Don’t let our fucked up generation or big pharma tell you how to lead your life. This gives you the power to be yourself.
    If this sounds like a crazy uncle talking that’s OK, since my son died I am very free with advice!
    LYS (Love Your Self)
    a big hug
    Dave

  4. Thank you all so much for your comments, and I’m sorry for those who have lost someone to suicide.
    Thanks for your kind words. I’m just trying to take things one day at a time. It’s hard because the feelings of depression can take over, and make suicide seem like the only way out. And it’s hard to see that other people care about me, since, we are all so busy with our own lives.
    Also, it’s hard because I don’t want to be a burden to others.

    • And you are not a burden! What do you call someone who can make a fanpage for our movement? A great help not a burden!!!!!

  5. Naiomi,

    Oh brave soul, thanks so much for sharing. You have a very poetic way of conveying your pain. I’m sure by sharing you helped others not feel so alienated in their feelings of despair and depression. I’m also sure many others want to say something but feel speechless – so don’t think for a minute that only the responses here represent those you have touched – you’ve touched many more. I also hope that sharing released some of the alienation you may feel. There is a community of people here for you, for the survivors, and those of us that want to be part of the solution to reducing or eliminating suicide. And finally, regarding those feelings of being a burden to others . . . . well I think it’s actually a huge compliment to those you reach out to when you trust them to be there for you. Give others a chance and you may be surprised how mutually gratifying it can be.

    Also – love the fan page idea!

    Blessings

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