IF YOU ARE FELING SUICIDAL OF NEED TO TALK CALL THE NATIONAL LIFELINE ON
It’s a mess. Our lives are in shambles. Even if we look whole on the outside we are broken on the inside.
I really do feel… different.
Often I have to close my eyes and cover my face with my hands. My being shudders with the enormity of what has happened.
I take myself to the hospital where Andrew lay dead, and I look at him. And every time I see his slightly swollen face, the white-collar around his neck, the tube coming out of mouth, the white sheet covering his body. Every time I am shot in the heart, I wrythe in horror.
I berate myself for not screaming and breaking things at the time. Why did I arrive at the hospital quietly? Why didn’t I bring the building down with my howls of pain? Why did I go quietly when they told us that it was time for us to leave? Why did I not protest and stop them from taking my son away?
Why, Lord, Oh Why….. ((((((((WHY)))))))))
Why did you did it Andrew???????? How could you do this to yourself and to us?????
How could you take your own life, how could you go up to the 10th floor and jump knowing that you would die? Knowing that once you jumped you could not change your mind?
How can we still be alive with so much pain in our hearts, our minds and our body?
When will we see you again Andrew? When will we hear your beautiful voice and your contagious laughter? When will I see you eat my food again? When will your room be messy again?
When will I forget what you looked like dead?
When will your father, your sister and your little brother be alright again?
And you Andrew, my darling Andrew, are you alright?
Oh Andrew… our life is unbearable without you