I Can’t Write Today

I am down today. I am struggling to even write this much.
Lets us all hold us in each other’s heart.
Love,
Esmeralda

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11 thoughts on “I Can’t Write Today

  1. You’re all in my heart, and especially this week. But the hole that is sometimes there can also be miraculously filled with the memories of laughter and smiles. Tigs is there with you all, I know it. Let him help you.

    All my love
    N x

  2. you have my hug, and love today. Days like this are so hard..you are in my thoughts today. Think of our two Andrews, smiling down on us. I know they are friends, and wishing for our pain to end.

    • Thank you Iola. And the thing is that I know that it doesn’t help them to see us like this, and that makes it worse.
      But I am grateful for you and all the others. Love, Esmeralda

  3. More power to your fight Esmeralda!
    I thought if you didnt feel like writing you might still feel like reading.
    Warning: I talk about suicide (ha ha).
    I am grateful that Bruno lasted until he was 29. Actually 30 if you count his life in the womb. I don’t deserve it. He gave us 10 years to stop him and we didnt. At least you don’t have that guilt to bear since you didnt have any idea about Andrew.
    Looking back Bruno was ‘sad’ in his teens, but very stoic and determined. How ignorant we were thinking that this boy was so strong he could manage a bit of sadness. After all who hasnt? He fought it for more than 10 years, almost in silence. We found that he had been on Asperger chat rooms in the four years before his death. Ignorance is bliss until it becomes hell.
    Today in Auckland we have news of a 16 year old who jumped to his death off a motorway bridge. May have been precipitated by the death by alcohol poisoning of a schoolfriend the weekend before. This friend came from a non-drinking family and stole a 20 year-old-bottle of vodka from his dead Grandmothers cabinet and passed out within an hour.
    The media went beserk over youth binge drinking without asking why it is that youth want to drink themselves into oblivion every weekend.
    Well the second kid gave them the answer. Drink is not enough for some, they want it to end totally.
    In another news item, (hope this isnt imposing on you) the Prime Minister’s ‘chief scientist’ says there is a youth time bomb out there because they are maturing physically earlier all the time but their brains arnt property wired until in their 20s. Sounds like a ‘scientific’ recipe for a clampdown on youth until they ‘mature’ is acoming. Exactly the wrong approach. I don’t trust adults who say youth are immature. I can remember that line from my youth and I didnt buy it then. I think that our generation is the problem, IMO our ‘maturity’ just means we have learned to live without youthful innocence and hope.

    A big hug
    Dave

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