IF YOU ARE FEELING SUICIDAL OR NEED TO TALK CALL THE NATIONAL LIFELINE
Andrew would have been 21 today.
As well as the sorrow of this birthday without the birthday boy, Monday night I experienced a break down of sorts.
In that state all feelings are heightened to an unbearable degree.
I felt hopeless, helpless, forsaken and with searing fear shooting via my diaphragm into my body.
Luckily just that evening a friend of mine had just arrived from Europe. She is one of my Ammassociates, as Andrew used to call all my Amma friends. She practices a form of healing called kinesiology.
Thanks to her ministrations, my loving husband and children I am a bit better. It also helps to know that these feelings pass, not to panic and pray, breathe, sleep.
I am doing all I can to get better, even writing today is part of the effort, of my determination to not give in.
But it is hard, I feel overwhelmed. I am not made of stone, I am not superhuman. I have all these initiatives going on, and I wonder if I can do it.
Right now I am on my knees.
Oh Lord hear our prayers.
Andrew darling, please take care, we all love you.