IF YOU ARE FEELING SUICIDAL OR NEED TO TALK CALL THE NATIONAL LIFELINE
Following is Chris’s story
my dad committed suicide in 2005. I have still not recovered. I don’t think i ever will.
He did suffer from depression and I knew that. My mom died of lung cancer that year. He was very upset about that, even though they had been separated for years. I knew they loved each other but just couldn’t get along well enough to live together.
I did not have children when my parents passed away in 2005. I now have a 4 year old daughter, Sophia. I now understand the love one has for their child. Before becoming a parent, I don’t think I understood what love really was. I miss my father so much. I miss my mother so much. Losing both parents in a short span of time has been devastating. I physically feel like there is a hole in my heart that can not be repaired. They died exactly 2 months apart. Still, with all of the loss that I have felt and still feel, I cannot imagine how you feel. I applaud your efforts to get the word out about depression, mental health and suicide. I did some research when my dad died and found that suicide was a “dirty little secret” among older people. You never read the word “suicide” in the obituaries. They just say “so and so died at home”, therefore it is difficult to determine the percentage of deaths caused by suicide. I still live with the feeling that I should have and could have been able to do something. I was closer to my dad than my siblings. He did give me signals. I never thought he would do what he did. He shot himself in the head in his car. I have suppressed so many of the feelings about the event. I sit here now crying. I really don’t think anyone who has not experienced suicide in their family can understand what it’s like to go through it and to experience the guilt that you could not or did not prevent it.
I would like to help you and your cause if I can. My family is very Irish and closed lipped about what happened with my dad. That makes it even more difficult to talk about, acknowledge, dissect and heal from. Just writing this email has helped me feel a little better. My dad died May 20, 2005. The anniversary of his death is coming soon. This is a difficult time for me. I have a young child that I truly believe was sent by God to help me get through this life and this devastating period. With all of my heart, I am trying to understand how devastated you must feel. I can sympathize, but no one who has not been there can truly empathize. Thank you for sharing your feelings so openly. I truly believe that is the only way we “victims” of suicide can begin to recover and go on. good luck with the petition and helping others understand this issue. In Andrew’s memory, and my dad’s (his name was John aka “buddy”) I will help you to do what I can to spread the word.
Dear Chris, thank you for sharing your story with us. I am glad that the act of writing about it has been of some help. Enjoy your little daughter, enjoy your motherhood as much as you can.
Love and best wishes,