Dear Dave

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"Andrew's Bruno by Peter Sis"

Andrew's Bruno by Peter Sis

Dear Dave,

I wanted to tell you that working on Bruno the manuscript, again, has brought me joy and given me something to look forward to each day. It has given me another precious tool to support me on this journey through fire.

I can’t say that I know precisely how things work up there where our boys are, but I believe that your son and my son had a hand in getting me to work on the book again.

As much as I despair over Andrew not being right here with us, deep down I know that we haven’t lost him.
I know and feel that Andrew, and Bruno, Kerry, Michael, Jono, Max, Cameron… all our children are with us, even more now than when they inhabited a body.
Having said that, had I a choice in the matter, I would erase what happened, and wake up again to a normal day on November 3rd, 2009.
Espresso would be brewing, Robert would awake to gentle whispers, I would shower, get dressed, I would do a bit of this and a bit of that. I would call Andrew and Florentina at some point during the day, I would think about Thanksgiving and Christmas not too far away….

Yes, I would choose that. And yet, I have to acknowledge the many gifts of love and life of a depth difficult to imagine by the “uninitiated,” that have been showered upon me, from up above where my son now dwells. And I guess the same is the case for my fellow survivors.

Dear Children,
Until we meet again.
Esmeralda

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8 thoughts on “Dear Dave

  1. Dear Esmeralda,
    I’m glad that the Bruno book is coming along. I look forward to the next instalment.
    I don’t think of our Bruno as “up there” but he’s defintely “out there” in every place where he lived. Especially in this house were he was born on the dining room table. Both he and his younger sister were “homebirths”. In Bruno’s case the midwife didnt turn up and the doctor didnt arrive until after his birth. Janet (Bruno’s mother) was totally unphased sitting up on the mattress on the table, while I was a wreck. Janet’s mother who was an ex-nurse was visiting on the understanding that she would not be delivering the baby. Of course it was she who was standing holding Bruno and a pair of blunt scissors when the doctor came in. “Go ahead” he said, believing her to be the midwife, as she removed the placenta which I then buried in the bush near our house.

    So like Andrew’s Bruno who came off the shelf to live with a new friend, our Bruno was born into a loving family and lived with us in this house all his life. He is still here as ashes on the dining room buffet a few feet from where he was born. Here he will stay as long as we are alive.
    So for me, Bruno is “out there” everywhere were we live, as well as “in here”. I don’t expect to meet him again, in fact when I die I know I will lose him finally. But my children and their children who continue living will keep some of him alive. His death has given me more strength to live more fully and do the things that may mean that others don’t have to suffer the same fate.
    Like you I suspect I would die to have my son in the flesh living his own life. But since I can’t, I believe that Bruno, as with Andrew and all the other sons and daughters who could not live themselves, lives on empowering us to make the changes that we need to stop suicide.
    big hugs
    Dave

    • Well,
      Dear Dave – Andrew did not believe in God or the Universe or All That Is or whatever other name for the same thing. I do, and I believe in up there and out there and everywhere. Andrew and I used to argue on the subject, not as in arguing, but debating. He would ask me to prove that God existed, and I would ask him to prove that God didn’t. In the end we would agree to differ, but I would always say to him that when I died, I would come back and pull his legs when he was asleep and prove to him that there is life after life.
      As you know, he died before I died, and it’s been him coming back, letting me know that there is life after life.
      Anyway, how about whoever of us goes first lets the other know what’s it like? Just don’t scare me if you happen to go first.
      As for Bruno the book, I am really pleased with how it is coming along. I might post a little bit of it here and there, but this time I want to get it published, for our children.
      BHFM
      P.S. I was born in the toilet, but my grandmother caught me
      Esmeralda 😉

  2. you amaze me every single day.

    “Yes, I would choose that. And yet, I have to acknowledge the many gifts of love and life of a depth difficult to imagine by the “uninitiated,” that have been showered upon me, from up above where my son now dwells. And I guess the same is the case for my fellow survivors.”

    your peace and courage are otherworldly to me. i admire you so much.

  3. Oh, Esmeralda, I agree.
    When my sister’s chemo for breast cancer had left
    her so broken she was nearly unrecognizable, she asked me if I thought she should try another round. I tearfully told her “No”. She said “What will I tell the kids?” They were 14 and 16 at the time. My heart ached for all of them, but I said “Tell them you’ll be able to help them more from heaven than you could here.” She has been gone for seven years and I miss her terribly, but I have felt her light and love around me from the day she died… and her children have, as well.

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