I didn’t sleep very well last night.
A combination of having to sleep with the noisy air conditioning window unit on and… Andrew.
Always Andrew, looking for him, hoping to see him, hoping to dream about him.
I still cannot believe that he has killed himself! I am still trying to get inside his head and see what he was thinking, how he felt and… stop him.
Thanks to Florentina who gave me access, last night I spent some time reading the comments that Andrew’s friends still write on his Facebook wall.
A friend of his who worked with him at a local restaurant wrote that she enjoyed working with him and that she was very sorry for arguing and squabbling with him sometime:
“It really bothers me,” she writes. “And I wanted to get it off my chest.”
“Every time I came home from college, I always thought – Good Old I….” one of Andrew’s best friends writes. “But now it is no longer good old I, not without you. I miss you big man”
“I think about you every day. I can’t believe that I can no longer call your cell or chat on-line. I am honored to have known you and to have been your friend. The world is not the same without you. RIP Handsome.”
“I wish I could push you into Zach’s pool one more time. You were so beautiful. RIP See you in Heaven”
“You taught me about Nutella and how to eat it. I’ve been eating it with a spoon (you would not approve I know) since I heard the news and now the jar is empty and you are still gone”
As for me, in the weeks after Andrew’s death, I lost 39 LB. But now I am like the girl with the Nutella, I can hardly stop eating. It is as though I try to silence the roaring monster inside me by shoving food in its mouth and I’ve padded myself against… whatever…
Rest In Peace Andrew , although with the racket we are all making here, I wonder how you can, but I know that you have powerful friends there.
We’ll be off soon for our few days away, and we still need to find someone to look after Zoe the cat, so I better get off my laptop and get busy elsewhere.
Love to everyone.
And… Andrew? When the time comes I’ll see you in Heaven 😉