August 3rd. 2010 – Nine Months

I woke up feeling sad yesterday. More so than usual.
Cheeks wet with free-flowing tears, I contemplated staying in bed the whole day, and in between snoozes, teach the pigeons to pronounce Andrew’s name properly.
It’s not difficult, you just have to synchronize the word with their sound.
Last year those same pigeons kept calling out for: cucuzze, cucuzze… (coocoozza), cucuzze is a Sicilian word for a Sicilian type of long and pale green squash.
But this year, in tune as birds and animals in general are with human beings, they have changed their tune… AAA…NNN…DREW

Then there is this kitten I keep seeing peering at me from hidden corners. Her huge watery eyes and twitching nose express more feelings than I ever could by spilling my heart out.
Looking into her innocent eyes I sense her love, her concern, her wanting to soothe me and a wish for a cup of milk.

One of Andrew’s last pictures taken in Sicily, is with a stray kitten on his shoulder. Not far from this kitten, looking at me, I see her mother, the kitten on Andrew’s shoulder three years ago.

I am sure that mother and daughter, sensitive and open as only animals can be, see and interact with Andrew. And the little kitten stalking me, feels like a Guardian Angel disguised as a cat.

I did get up in the end but I felt sad and tearful for the rest of the day. And it wasn’t until Florentina, calling from England told me that she too felt very sad and that it was nine months yesterday, that I realized that yesterday was the 3rd of the month. The day of the month when Andrew killed himself.

Darling Andrew, I gave the little kitten food and drink last night. She waited for me to disappear and this morning the dish was empty.

I love you baby.


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