Waiting for Hugh and Robert at the airport last night, I felt confused.
I kept thinking that with their arrival, we were at last going to be all together again.
Then I would realize that we couldn’t be all together ever again, not without Andrew, not without Alexander. And then I would try hard to contain my tears.
Sitting in the garden for breakfast, Hugh looked openly sad this morning. He doesn’t often allow it to show, but this morning his shuttered heart showed from his very being, from his wide watery eyes.
But what can I do?
I have given him-us children, but the miracle of life of beyond me now, I can no longer bring Andrew into this world.
I had come to terms with baby Alexander’s death, but as ugly as SIDS is… Andrew’s… I cannot say any more.
Time to rest and then we’ll hope the warm mediterranean sea can do its magic on our body and soul.
Lots of love to everyone,
ps the Fair is really coming along well!