This Place

It’s always the same, being here is challenging and wonderful at the same time.
I have spent some of the most soothing and relaxing afternoons of my life at the beach, and I have been aggravated by family almost as much as by some of my former real estate clients or a certain sister
in-law of mine.

The beach, Maurausa, is a long stretch of spiaggia libera, free beach. It is mainly locals who go there and there is no infrastructure, no bathrooms other than the “natural” ones.
The scene is picture postcard perfect. Long before reaching the beach, one can see the Egadi Islands of Favignana, Levanzo & Marettimo, they sit on the sea and seem to rest against the sky.
On the left, the ancient mountaintop of Erice, around since the times of the Punic Wars and earlier, look down on the sickle-shaped port town of Trapani on one side, and the coast to San Vito on the other.

The sea is warm, the sand is soft, the breeze gentle and the voices of people conversing non stop, soothe, rather than grate.
There are no blaring ghetto blasters and there is PLENTY of room for everyone.
I love to stay until well past seven in the evening, but we don’t normally get there until four thirty or five o’clock, for a siesta comes before that.

The aggravation part comes from people like my dear mother for instance, who thinks that people like my daughter and I, vegetarians, are awkward.
“When you eat at some elses’ house, you can’t be too demanding.”
Well, I would have thought that eating at ones grandmother’s house did not qualify as some elses’ house.
Then there are the relations that expect you to go and say hi to them when you arrive or they take offence.

Well you know what, and please, please forgive me for what I am about to say ” Who gives a sheet!”

You know, I am not going to use my son’s death as an excuse, but I am no longer interested in doing things just because of what people think.
To be honest, I never have been that kind of person, but I was a little bit more patient and sort of willing to be accommodating at times, but guess what? Not anymore!

And that’s what’s on my mind today.

Then there is a part of me who is so happy here… the sun, the smell of the sea, the shooting stars, the ice creams and pizzas, the smell of jasmine in the air at night, my little stray kitten… but no Andrew… not physically that is, but I always look for him, always.



6 thoughts on “This Place

  1. Hi,

    I remember when you had me for thanksgiving and i was the only vegetarian there. you were so sweet, so accommodating. Thank you!

  2. Good for you Esmerelda. I feel the same way. Tired of making everyone around us happy while we are struggling to be “the perfect person”. Screw that. Be yourself and take care of yourself.

  3. I agree with carol. Screw them. you are the one who needs your attention now. take care of you, ok?

    Had a meltdown Monday. First one in awhile. Was just like the day it happened. Why does it not ease up? Why the waves of pain, and a deep down loneliness that no one but my son could fill?
    Wish I could fly away from this earth and be with my Drew. Its not worth going thru with out him.
    be gentle with you, E…..hugs

    • Iola! Darling friend meltdowns happen and then they un-happen
      I can’t claim to speak for Drew, but I doubt that he would want you to join him before your due time.
      Besides, some of us do need you!
      As for the loneliness… only you can fill that void. Love, Esmeralda

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