Bullied To Death

"Asher Brown"

Asher Brown

"Tyler Clementi", the victim and the two bullies

Tyler Clementi, the victim and the two bullies

"George Washington Bridge"

George Washington Bridge

I don’t know what to say about bullies!

I am at a loss. That someone should be driven to take his life as a result of being bullied…

What can we do, what can we, as a community, do?

My first reaction is to rant and rave at the mother fucking bastards, but what does that do?
Their heads and hearts are obviously off!

Take the Michigan assistant district attorney, he looked as if butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth when Anderson Cooper interviewed him about his bullyblogging of 21 year-old Michigan University student,. He was very comfortable with his actions. What do you with someone like that? He is obviously not well.
In the meantime I pray someone intervenes before a tragedy happens.

And I just heard about Tyler Clementi, the young Rutgers University student who jumped off the George Washington Bridge a few days ago.

What happened to Tyler has left me speechless.

His roommate Ravi, and a female friend of the roommate, Molly Wei, thought it funny to film Clementi having sex and stream it live on twitter and I don’t know where else, for all the world to see it!
What are we missing here?

Dharun Ravi and Molly Wei have been arrested, a slap on the wrist, maybe a few years in prisons, in the meantime Tyler Clementi is dead!

And what about 13 year-old Asher Brown of Texas, bullied to death by his middle school peers?
A thirteen year-old who shoots himself because… because… because… the bullies teased him for being small, gay and Buddhist! And now Little Asher is dead.

The real question must be, why do they do it? Why do bullies bully? What is it that we are not addressing?

In the meantime there are parents who have lost their child, siblings without their siblings, friends who have lost their friends, and sentences to a lifetime of pain and sorrow that will never go away.

As a society we have to find out what we can do to make things better.

Community Love is one way and I hope that whoever is out there reading this, will join me trying to make a difference.

May those boys rest in peace and may their loved ones… I don’t even know what to say to the families, I myself go through hell every day! But life does continue, somehow day after day life goes on, like the waters of a River that never stops.

God, what a sad day – I am so tired



20 thoughts on “Bullied To Death

  1. The story of the Rutger Student is horrific. Why is it some people lack sensitivity. I’m guessing the girl involved “lost herself.” Maybe she had a crush on the guy with the web camera and didn’t have the guts to speak up about the wrongness of her friend’s actions. I think that’s what is disturbing about these bullying situations – people/students/others overhear these situations and don’t speak up.

    If you’ve ever watched that show “What would you do?” on ABC on Friday nights – you would understand how many people are like sheep – they just follow the crowd. They lack courage to speak up when it matters. http://abcnews.go.com/WhatWouldYouDo/ There is an episode from August 27th where gay parents are refused a meal – watch how many people hear what goes on (all actors) and don’t do anything. There are some with courage to get public about the injustice. If Esmeralda happened upon one of these situations she would have probably have needed to been bleeped. Which I’m grateful for – I’d be right next to her.

    I think we have to invite Groups like the Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN), Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG), and The Trevor Project to host education/resource tables at our next Wellness fair. They work to educate the public on eliminating bullying and eliminate tragedies like we heard about recently.

    About GLSEN
    GLSEN, the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network, is the leading national education organization focused on ensuring safe schools for all students. Established in 1990, GLSEN envisions a world in which every child learns to respect and accept all people, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity/expression. GLSEN seeks to develop school climates where difference is valued for the positive contribution it makes to creating a more vibrant and diverse community. For information on GLSEN’s research, educational resources, public policy advocacy, student organizing programs and educator training initiatives, visit http://www.glsen.org.

    Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) is the nation’s foremost family-based organization committed to the civil rights of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people. Founded in 1973 by mothers and fathers, PFLAG has 200,000 members and supporters in more than 250 chapters throughout the United States. To learn more, please visit http://www.pflag.org.

    The Trevor Project is the leading national organization focused on crisis intervention and suicide prevention efforts among LGBTQ youth. Every day, The Trevor Project saves young lives through its free and confidential lifeline, in-school workshops, educational materials, online resources and advocacy. For more information, visit http://www.TheTrevorProject.org.

    Peace, Love & Tolerance

  2. I grew up in Texas. Hatred and bullying are part of the culture and encouraged. I dropped out of High school at 17 because I coudn’t take the constant physical, verbal and psychological abuse. No adults or people in the educational system helped me. they are usually in on it. Then if you are strong enough to live through it , you are so scarred and your self esteem is destryed. The majority of the rest of your life is just about trying to put all your pieces aback together.


    • Dear Prabudh, what do you think the answer is? Do you think that suicide due to “outside” bullying is different from other reasons/causes for suicide?
      Love, Esmeralda

  3. We need to teach our children RESILIENCE.

    What happened to Tyler was terrible. However, he also apparently chose to post pictures of himself engaging in similar activity. As a parent, I don’t quite know what to do with that.

    As a parent, I feel an obligation to work with my children on being resilient, how NOT to be a “follower”, but also how NOT to make (and more importantly, to know, how NOT to make), choices (such as posting nude photos, etc.), that can really make one (permanently) vulnerable. Unfortunately, once something is posted on the Internet, it cannot be truly “erased”. (That is why we have open dialogues in our home, where we try to do the best we can to “teach by example”, and by bringing up relevant current events…)

    I think that any bulling of anyone is uncalled for, whether it is for sexual orientaiton, race, rligion, and so on. However, we MUST, as parents, and educators MUST also continue to guide children as to why the choices they make in adolescence can now have very permanent and long-lasting effects due, in part to the modern technology that has become ubiquitous in our lives…

    I find it rather sick that people want to know “all of the details” about every minute thing everyone is doing at all times (Facebook, etc.)…and that people want to post every minutia of their lives.

    What has happened to personal privacy and dignity? Honestly?

    I am very sad that in this “modern” day and age, we do not seem to be treating each other significantly better, sometimes, than we did 100 years ago, and that modern technology, which can help us so much, is instead, used by some conscienceless bullies as nothing more than another torture device…

  4. I am glad the Fair went well; I am hoping that the school system connects with what you are doing so that the older kids (upper el. and older), can participate…

  5. I realize that you do not at all like what I have to say although you are polite about it. However, resilience is vital to our well being. In fact, the American Psychological Association suggests “10 Ways to build resilience”, and have an entire series on resilience that can be found here:


    Resilience is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity or stress.

    1. Make connections. Accepting help and support from those who care about you and will listen to you strengthens resilience.

    2. Avoid seeing crises as insurmountable problems. You can’t change the fact that highly stressful events happen, but you can change how you interpret and respond to these events.

    3. Accept that change is a part of living. Accepting circumstances that cannot be changed can help you focus on circumstances you can alter.

    4. Move toward your goals. Ask yourself: “What’s one thing I know I can accomplish today that helps me move in the direction I want to go?”

    5. Take decisive actions. Act, rather than detaching completely from problems and wishing they would just go away.

    6. Look for opportunities for self-discovery. People often learn something about themselves as a result of their struggle with loss. This helps them better manage future negative events.

    7. Nurture a positive view of yourself. Developing confidence in your ability to solve problems and trusting your instincts helps build resilience.

    8. Keep things in perspective. Avoid blowing the event out of proportion. Try to see the bigger picture.

    9. Maintain a hopeful outlook. Try visualizing what you want, rather than worrying about what you fear.

    10. Take care of yourself. Taking care of yourself helps to keep your mind and body primed to deal with situations that require resilience.



    Resilience does not occur in a vaccum. While some of us are more naturally resilient than others, resilience can be taught and learned…

    I am not quite sure why you are so adverse to this, but it is an integral part of who we are…

    • I don’t know why you say we don’t agree. I believe in looking at the good in everything. Who are your talking to when you say ” I am not quite sure why you are so adverse to this…”
      I have always stressed the positive over the negative – I have always rejected the view of the world as a place where dog eats dog and so on which you have so strongly predicated in the past.
      What do you think the Law of Attraction, that you have called a cult, is about?

      Why do say I am against… What do you think I have being doing since first one then another of my children died? I have raised OVER a million dollar for research and have put SIDS on the map in NYC, the one I started, is the only annual fundraiser on the Manhattan calendar – And what, other than my resilience, do you think has got me to where I am now and I am trying to share with others? Hedi, I am grateful for the time you take to read this blog and to leave comments from time to time thus contributing to an important dialogue.
      But over the past months you have made some bigoted and ill informed comments that you are right, out of politeness I have judged it best to let ride, and neither have I taken offense. But right now I am not sure what exactly your point is

  6. Saying that we need to work with our children so they can be resilient is bigoted and ill informed?? How so?

    As far as stating that the LOA is a cult, that is the truth; it is your choice to join it, but that does not change what it is.

    You are a very intelligent and educated woman, so it was with great and grave concern that I saw that you became caught up in this.



    • Comments you made in the past, such as calling the LOA a cult or Amma a cult. Did you know that Amma has UN consultative Status? Don’t judge what you know nothing about!
      I am caught in what? Please…
      Enough – Thank you!

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