BOBST - NYU's Library

BOBST - NYU's Library

I am so fucking angry today.

Even with a sleeping pill I didn’t sleep last night.

I mean, I went to sleep alright to start with, but then Hugh’s coughing woke me up around 1 O’clock, and sleeping pill notwithstanding, that was the end of what I had hoped might be a peaceful night’s sleep.

He’s still coughing now, and it’s pissing me off.

That’s telling how sane and logical I am right now, doesn’t it?

I know the plot. And a worse ending to a beautiful life could not have been written.

I am a writer, I should have written this story, and it would not have ended like this.

I lay the blame fair and square on NYU!

When Andrew entered the library in the predawn hours of November 3, 2009, someone was asleep on the job. Or, someone wasn’t on the job.

Before the Madoff’s induced budget cuts, NYU had an officer patrolling the library. After the budget cuts, however, that one officer became responsible for patrolling two buildings at the same time.

Quite likely with the books balanced, NYU’s brilliant administrators didn’t think that, guess what, you fucking idiots, unless you are God, you can’t be in two places at once !

But today is today, and tomorrow hasn’t come.

Andrew has still several hours left to live. And who knows, I might still figure out a way to intervene. And I have plenty of swearing I can do.

And a note of caution to anyone thinking of coming anywhere near me:





10 thoughts on “DANGER!

  1. Embraces, Profanity, Dreams of Rescues, More Profanity, Tears, more Embraces, and love to you and your family during this excruciating time . . . and maybe a little Delsym for Hugh (it lasts for 12 hours).

    Hugs and Blessings

  2. Dare I venture near to write today?

    I could tell you about how “normal” your emotions as a survivor are…today anger and blame-laying…both non-logical emotional responses…I could debate with you whether NYU is to blame or not…To what end? For what purpose?

    Today you are a bereaved, angry survivor. I will simply listen…to your broken heart.

    November 3, 2009. We remember you, Andrew, with love and we cry.
    November 11, 2008. We remember you, Michael, with love and we cry.

    November 20, 2010 – National Survivors of Suicide Day – We remember all.


      • I have been awake and very unusually alert for the late hour it is in Hawaii. We are 6 hours behind you. Just want you to know you have been in my thoughts all day and night…you have not been alone… aloha…

      • Dearest T.. now I really want to cry… Andrew is dead. i have been up and down all night, back and forth… but he is dead
        Thank you for being with me. Love, Esmeralda

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