As Handsome In Death As He Had Been In Life

Today a year ago, was the last time we saw Andrew. Ever.

Lying in his casket, his face intact, he looked as handsome in death as he had in life.
In his casket, Andrew looked like a Fallen Knight of old.

The line of people who had come to see him was never-ending. For the entire duration of the “viewing,” as it is called, there were people in line to come and say goodbye to Andrew.

As many of his friends as were able to come home from University, did.
So many of them, as they came by, reminded me of the play-dates, the birthday parties, the car pooling…

Girls, in tears, stopped by his coffin, seemingly unable to take their eyes off him and move on.
Andrew, you idiot, I found myself thinking, you could have had any of them, you could have had your pick.

Florentina and I took turns sitting by him, gently stroking his head, his hair as lustrous and beautiful as it ever was. His hands, folded across his tummy, weren’t that different from the hands of the little boy I had held on to, for many years.
Strangely, though cold, his hands were still soft and malleable, A gift from God, I thought.

At times, I fancied, I was certain, I saw him smile, almost imperceptibly, but I saw him smile.

When it was time to go, we left him with one of Florentina’s Teddy Bears to keep him company.

Turning around before leaving the funeral home, I got my last look of my son.

The following day it would be a sealed casket and then… no more


4 thoughts on “As Handsome In Death As He Had Been In Life

  1. Dear, dear Esmeralda,
    if you believe nothing else, believe your Andrew is with you. Even if, like me, you cant feel him, he is with you. If I believed anything else, i dont think i would go on. Your sweet son is there, and when he can come thru to you, he will. I have absolute faith in that.
    love to you all today

    • I do feel him. He does communicate with me, and I still miss him. I miss his physical form. But I know that he is with me and even more importantly, that we will be together again. All my love to you too, Esmeralda

  2. Dearest Esmeralda,
    I have been following your blog and each day I draw strength from you. I know Florentina from NYU. I was her RA at WSV, and I worked with her in the same cubicle in Res Ed. I remember one day Andrew came to meet her at the office and though we didn’t meet, I heard how excited the students were to meet him and how polite, energetic, and gracious he was. Though it will in no way provide you solace from the pain, I would like you to know that I admire you so much. I’m sure that Andrew is with you each day and that he feels your love just as much as you can still feel his. Please tell Florentina I said hello, and may God bless you and your family always.

    • Dear Trish, how sweet, how kind of you to write. I am so excited that you got to “meet” Andrew in some way. He was indeed, as you say, polite, energetic and gracious, not to mention handsome and altogether wonderful. Thank you for reading my blog and for your kind words, truly, I appreciate it. Florentina will be so happy to hear that you got in touch. Big hug, Esmeralda xoxo

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