I just realized that next week is Thanksgiving!
And I have also realized that this year I am not scared of it.
Last year, literally, one moment I was thinking about getting a particular sweet potato with calvados recipe from a friend, because Andrew loved sweet potatoes, and the next Andrew was dead!
While I was doing my everyday things and mentally preparing the Thanksgiving meal, Andrew killed himself.
He killed himself!
To do that, he clearly had to switch “gear.”
He knew what he was thinking. We didn’t.
He knew when he was about to do it, we were sleeping.
Nothing about our living normally along, had prepared us for the crash when his body hit the ground.
As he barreled down the atrium’s marble floor, we barreled against death and our own impact, could not have been more devastating.
As I struggled to get to my feet, I kept slipping on the never-made sweet potato mousse, chestnut and walnut rich stuffing, perfect gravy, organic turkey…
It was not easy navigating amongst those dishes.
Everything kept coming at me, from a sweet potato, to a sprig of thyme, from the stuffing mix to a pumpkin pie…
It was awful!
This year, the Thanksgiving part at least, is much better.
Florentina being in Rome, she will not be with us. So, the three of us, Hugh, Robert and I, will join friends in the city.
My contribution will be the turkey, the stuffing and the gravy (pretty major now that i think about it).
My friend Karuna will make the sweet potato dish that I wanted to make last year before Andrew died. Finally I will get to taste it.
This year I feel better about Thanksgiving than I did last year.
And that is something that I will give thanks for.