Christmas Morning

"Uccelli insettivori tarabilla"

This kind of bird comes often to my bedroom window, or rests on one of the branches outside and looks at me

"Bold Eagle"

The Bold Eagle, Andrew's favorite bird

I didn’t sleep well last night, several times I woke up.

Now the day, this day is finally here. It is Christmas.

The sky is overcast, the sun is not completely hidden by the clouds nor is it shining gloriously, either.

I am like the sun, pulled towards clouds of sadness, and a pool of tears is always on the verge of being cried.

My Fallen Knight. Andrew. Andrew Edward Kirkley Williamson-Noble. Tigger.

Darling Tigger, I miss you!

People tell me that I write well, that I am good with words, but what you meant to me when you were alive, what it meant to see you dead and what it means to live with your loss every day is beyond my ability to express with words.

But as you found a way of letting me know, again, you are not hurt, you are not injured, you are well. This is what counts, this is what I must focus on.

Had you been here, there would have come a time when I would have encouraged you to spread your wings and soar high… high… high… I must do no less now.

Spread your wings Andrew and fly as high as you can. Fly Andrew, fly like the Eagles you so admired.

One day I will fly to where you are. One day I will find you again.

Merry Christmas to everyone.

10 thoughts on “Christmas Morning

  1. Oh dear Esmeralda,
    He is flying high and smiling with a peace we can only imagine. Words dont express the loss, the hurt, the missing past endurance. But one day we will be united with our Andrews. Today, I will have to settle for the memories, and wish you some happy ones. Hugs..
    p.s. i didnt sleep much either..looks like a nap is heading my way.

    • Darling Iola, I do feel like taking a nap, but if I don’t get the show on the road, there won’t be much of Christmas meal for us to eat. But the tiramisu’ is ready, I made it last night. LOTS of love my sweet friend, nap for me too. See you later, Esmeralda

  2. Esmeralda,

    Your words pierce my heart, and I send you love-nothing but love this season and each dawn. Your Andrew is flying high, soaring brilliantly–a most perfect star of light, hope, love, grace, your Angel on earth and above, ad infinitum.

    Keep writing. The world needs to hear these words.

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