Smoking, Cloying Darkness

Never made it outside.

I seem to have fallen into a nasty, disgusting black hole.

I pray to God with all my might to help me get out of here


11 thoughts on “Smoking, Cloying Darkness

  1. Hang on to Amma’s feet and the light will return eventually. When in the darkness it seems like it will never end and the heaviness will not lift but if we can be strong suddenly peace will come again. Was in a deep dark place myself yesterday morning and the night before. And yes I felt like ending it and yes I looked online for the best way just in case. And yes I have felt this way countless times in the last year but in the horrible darkness and fears I try to just hang on a little while longer and even when I’m losing all faith I look to see if there is even a sliver of belief that things will get better and I hold to it as long as I can and then something happens to give me relief and I feel a sense of hope again. Hang in there. It will lift.

  2. Prabuddh said it so well.

    Never, never, never, never give up the fight my friend. Use every weapon and strategy at your disposal and it’s ok to rest. Life is worth the fight…

    On a pragmatic note, are your medications causing unhealthy side effects?I’m recently came across a blog I find intriguing entitled Beyond Meds. And in the spirit of the new year I found the strength to do a little research on natural means to raise dopamine levels and I’ve just begun implementing
    some recommendations. And you’ve inspired me to explore the wellness benefits of yoga and meditation which I am gradually incorporating into my personal wellness plan.

    (((((hugs))))) Rayo

    • Dearest Rayo, my friend, my dear friend… we have so much to do still, much life to live and laughter to laugh. Also look into shaking meditation. Honestly try

    • Dear Debs, my son died in 2009 too. Please tell us more about your son, please share your story with us if you can. Lots of love
      Esmeralda, Andrew’s Mummy

  3. Hang on Dear one. I am praying for you, asking for the help we need to get past this crap they call the holidays. This is all so damned awful. Asking our Andrews to send you some peace. Love you, napmate

  4. My son was on his last year of college here in the
    South. That fall of 2009 left a note saying he was sorry and that he loved us. He jumped from the tallest bldg. he can find. He was 22 y.o. After the funeral, the toughest part was going back to his University apartment and retrieving his personal belongings and wondering what happened. My husband and I did not see it coming. I was on auto-pilot emotionally for a year I had to force myself to resume my daily routine and take care of my family. The pain will always be there but I am finally learning to move on with life. I went
    back to Yoga. That really helped going to the
    gym daily.

    The public should be made aware that depression is
    as deadly as cancer and heart disease. Do not be
    ashamed to seek help. There is a lot that
    modern medicine can do.

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