All Is Well

“I am coming to pick you up and take you for a walk,” said my friend Terry yesterday.
“When?”
“Now.”
“Oh, I am not dressed… give me… ten… twelve minutes.”
“Okay, see you soon.”
I put the phone down and dashed into the bathroom, when Terry’s car pulled into the drive, I was ready.

What a great difference it makes to be with another human being. She drove us to a beautiful spot and parked.
The two small lakes were partially frozen. So different from a few weeks ago in late October, when they were shimmering in the autumn sun and a myriad fall colors were mirrored in the water.

Today the ground was covered in snow and ice, the odd patch of grass was hard to find. The frigid air whipped me awake.
When my mind wandered, my heart tightened with a feeling of fear and nausea.

A constant reminder of the need to stay focused in the present.

It is Tuesday morning now. I am glad to have been able to write more than the couple of lines I wrote in the last few days. But getting up and getting dressed requires all my will power, yet I know that once I am up the day will get better and better.

I keep telling myself: “All is well now, and all will be well, always”

Esmeralda

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6 thoughts on “All Is Well

  1. Hi E,
    I am glad to hear you are out and about. Its an effort to get there sometimes, but you will be better for it. Focus on the good things, on the thought that, like when you were pregnant with Andrew, he is inside you. Its like that now..he is inside you, in your head, in your heart. He loves you dearly, as do we all. Force a smile…one will come soon that is not forced. I struggle along with you…and am here for you. hugs to my favorite nap-mate!

    • Do you know how proud I am of you? Do you know how far you’ve come since we first “met” on this blog? Now it’s you cheering me on.
      Guess what, I was so afraid to sit down and just got back to a fetal position today, that instead of taking my beloved nap, I ironed all of my husband shirts. I’m exhausted now, but I feel good about it all. Let’s hope tomorrow is another good day. Love and big hugs, Esmeralda

  2. I am proud of you..you have done so much to help other survivors, and in the midst struggle with your own grief. I used to iron alot as a kid..for more allowance money…was soothing to watch all the wrinkles disappear. every day is a challenge, but one tiny step..and you are on to the next..so keep that in mind…one tiny step, one forced or not smile..and the day is worthwhile. I talk to Drew alot all day too…keeping up a one sided banter helps me feel him..and he is leaving his brownie baking smell more often now. Hugs napmate

      • Andy never could bake worth a damn!!! But, like the little bird at your window, it reminds us our Andrews are still with us. Hold that thought close….and way cool on the shopping! love it love it.

      • Do you know something? My Andrew loved baking actually, and he used to make brownies and cookies for school. Hm, what do you think? Are those playing together?

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