Tomorrow is my birthday. I have seen this day come and go so many times now.
There was a time I remember, when it seemed that time stood still. If only I was eighteen, I used to think when I wasn’t eighteen, I could certainly change the world, I would definitely have more freedom.
When I was a teenager I used to think that the age of thirty was such a long distance away, as to be almost irrelevant to me. I thought that at thirty a woman would be past “it”.
Well I needn’t have worried about not being eighteen yet, I reached and passed that milestone soon enough.
As for being thirty… you know, age does not bother me, but on the eve of this birthday, being thirty wouldn’t bother me at all actually, except for one thing… knowing what I know would lie ahead of me.
Can you imagine being a young girl full of hopes, dreams and certainty, and finding out that ahead of you lay losing one beloved child, then another, and serious financial distress in between?
Where would one find the courage, the will to go forward with such trials ahead? I am fairly certain that it would not be possible.
People tell me that I am strong. They tell me that not many would have survived the challenges that I have. Many would have been broken.
And finally I have to admit that, yes, I am strong.
I have learned that being strong does not mean not feeling pain, rather, it is the ability to feel it and to still find a way to continue living even when dying seems so appealing.
Yes, I know I am strong. When the time comes I will go to my grave in shreds, but strong.
I fully expect that come tomorrow, at whichever ungodly hour I awake, one way or another, I will get on with my day.
But now, tonight, as I prepare to go to bed, I can’t help but cry and cry and cry and shudder for all that I suffer.
I can’t help but writhe in pain when I think of Alexander and Andrew gone from sight.
I can’t help but feel anew the horror of seeing them dead.
My own flesh and blood, my children, dead.
And I feel at one with all the grieving people of Japan for there is a place within us all where one’s loss is everybody’s loss.
And so, I pray for Peace and Healing in our Hearts.
I pray for the Peace and Healing of our Planet. We have hurt it enough by hurting Mother Nature and by hurting each other. Let us stop now. Let us be the harbingers of a new dawn of Love and Peace.
Each one of us, one by one.
Om Lokah Samastah Sukino Bhavantu
May All The Beings In All The Worlds Be Peaceful And Happy