Andrew’s Light Shines Ever Brighter

Robert, "Andrew, Esmeralda & Bruno"

Robert, Andrew, Esmeralda & Bruno

Even before the funeral, and then on the day, staring at Andrew’s coffin, I made a promise to him and to myself, that this was not the end.
It may have indeed been the end of chapter, but it was not the end of the story.

Life did indeed look bleak at the time, but I was willing to see a bright beacon of light starting to shine.

Looking at Andrew’s draped coffin from the pulpit where I said a few words about Andrew,
I said that:

“… My son was a Knight – I don’t know what demons or dragons Andrew fought, for he took them down with him. He fought them bravely, he fought them courageously, he fought them quietly, he fought them on his own. It took everything he had, his very life, to slay them.
And now he is a Fallen Knight. I know that he learned a lot in all this, and I know that from wherever he is he will use what he has learned to help others…”

And he is, and we are, together.

Thank you Dear Karen for taking the time to let me know. I am so happy that you were open enough to “hear” and act. I am happy that you had the chance to save your son and that you were able to take life-saving action. And because of that, Andrew’s light shines ever brighter.
Love and hugs

Esmeralda & Andrew

Dear Esmeralda,

I am sure many people have shared their stories with you — as you have so generously shared your story and made your email address available. I read about your loss in the Journal News and began following your blog. Around the time I discovered your writing, my own 19 year old son XXXXXX was exhibiting signs of (what I did not realize until I read your blog) depression away at school at XXXXXXXXXXX University. There were many similarities between what I was experiencing with XXXX and what you described in your writing about Andrew. Your words had a profound impact on me and it led to my talking to Ben and my husband — and ultimately and quickly having Ben take a break from college and move back home. I believe that was a pivotal moment in our lives, and I truly have you and your bravery in sharing your story to thank. Ben is doing well now and is back as a full time student – this time at XXXXXXXXX and living at home. There is nothing I can say other than thank you. It is very courageous to share what you have and please continue to know that it is making a difference in the world.

With Warmest Regards,

Dear Esmeralda,

Thank you for your kind words and for your fast response to my email.
What I did not say in the last email is also how beautifully you brought Andrew to life in your writing about him and how much I came to feel like I knew him and to appreciate the young man he was through words, photos and his place in your family (as a son, brother, grandson, etc.) which was so clearly shown. One act did not define all that he was and you made sure to keep Andrew very alive and so present in your writing.

Also, when you write so frankly about what grief is really about – I sometimes have to take a breath. It resonates so much with me at a time when I have been struggling with the untimely loss of my sister and can find little to match what it really feels like.

So, please know that your blog has absolutely been a “beacon of light” for me and my family – providing an impetus for me to take action at a time when action needed to be taken and providing a space of understanding when that is needed too .

I send many hugs back your way….

2 thoughts on “Andrew’s Light Shines Ever Brighter

  1. Great news! Well done Esmeralda and Andrew!
    Everyone saved, and all those bereaved should carry some marker of the constant presence of suicide. I have a tattoo on my knuckles. Others here wear purple wristbands. We did have a Yellow Ribbon group here before it was closed down as too risky! Youth cannot be entrusted with responsibility until they grow up – if they don’t die first.
    A marker of some kind is a good ice breaker when we may be a bit down an don’t want to broach the subject. It also tells those who want to shut us up to shut up!

    • So nice to know you are still there. I wear a white and black wrist band that says “Break The Silence”
      Great news indeed. Thank you to everyone who kept me going when it was hard even to breathe. I suppose I should start writing regularly again, and I would love too, I just have TOO much on WRITE now, but please do not forget about me even if I don’t write every day. Love and take care, Esmeralda

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