I Am Still Here

"Esmeralda" with Franco Agate-  One of my oldest friends - January 21st, 2012 - Paceco, Sicily

Esmeralda with Franco Agate - One of my oldest friends - January 21st, 2012 - Paceco, Sicily

I am sorry to have been absent for so long. I have been… I have been, period.
I am still here, doing what I do, cry, laugh, get upset, go to therapy, rally for those who need me to rally, I miss Andrew, I still can’t believe what happened. I feel that’s been a while since I last saw him and I really would like to see him again.
And there are times when it still seems like only yesterday.
I don’t think I can rid of the horrible pain. I am learning ti live with it, and working on transcending it, going past it, integrating it into a working life.
Does this make sense? Oh well, in any case it is what it is.

But I do have something new going on: I have started my second book, a fictionalized memoir. Gosh, the places I have to visit in order to write it.

Please, do keep me in your hearts as I keep all of you in mine.

Love
Esmeralda

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2 thoughts on “I Am Still Here

  1. Aloha! I very much missed reading your blog–hearing from you. But I interpreted the less frequent posts as an indicator that you “needed” to blog less because the intensity and frequency of your grief was decreasing–a good thing. A sign of healing to another phase of grief. I think one day you will fashion your blog posts into a book…I am happy to hear you are well, on the other side of the earth. 🙂
    In April I will be going to an annual, national conference in Denver with my professor to do a poster presentation of my Master’s project on Youth Suicide and What Special Educators Should Know. (I was initially disappointed it wasn’t an “oral” presentation. But oh well.) I am looking forward to experiencing being among researchers and educators in my field from across the US.
    Multiple things co-occurring in my life are signaling it is a period of significant transition! Sometimes I feel as if I am watching my life as if I am watching a movie and wondering what will happen next. At least I know, “my movie” will have a happy ending. 🙂

    I love you, my friend! Take good care! And warm aloha to your dear family ❤

    • Well, I don’t know about… as I said, grief is a strange thing indeed, always in wait. But I have started another book and there is only so much I can do in one day.
      And how are you?
      Love and hugs, Esmeralda

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