It’s that time of year when the clocks go forward. Again.
I remember when it used to take a while between the time when the clocks went back (where are they going back to? the children used to joke), and when they went forward.
I’m stuck on November 1st 2009, the day when the clocks went back that year. Then came Monday, November 2nd, and then… Tuesday, November 3rd – D.A.D. aka: the day Andrew died.
I’m sure there’s no obvious logic to this, but the fact is that ever since, this thing with the clocks going backwards and forwards, seems to happen while I sleep. Which it does of course, but I don’t mean it like that.
And what makes it even more noticeable that we are artificially one hour ahead this morning, is the fact that I did not sleep well last night. To start with, I went to bed a bit on the early side. Still.
When I was asleep, the phone rang; wrong number. But I managed to go back to sleep.
Then, whatever monsters I was fighting with during the night, they did not only disturb my sleep, but Robert’s as well.
“Mummy, are you alright?” Robert asks from the doorway.
I turn toward him, but I’m confused and don’t answer.
“Mummy, you were screaming. Are you alright?” he asks again.
I mumble something unintelligible, but he gets the message that I’m fine, and goes back to his room.
A while later the cat decides that she has to go down to the basement, but seeing that the door to it is closed, she needs someone to open it for her. And I don’t how it is with your cat, but mine will not take the lack of an answer as a sign to leave it. On the contrary, she takes it to mean that you didn’t hear her and therefore she raises the volume. I love her, but really, Zoe!
Anyway. Then I wake up again and this time I want to know what time it is. I go to the kitchen and the cooker’s clock says 05:00.
“Hm,” I ask myself. “Did Robert change the clock when he got back last night, or he didn’t, and it is in fact six o’clock?”
Computers do it automatically, don’t they?” I asked Robert over dinner last night, and he confirmed it. So, now, with the kitchen clock saying 05:00 when it could actually be 06:00 o’clock, I decide to turn the computer on to check what the actual time is. And the time is: six o’clock. While I’m there I tell myself that I might as well check my emails. So I check, and there’s one that rubs me the wrong way. Nothing serious, just the tone. I draft a reply, then decide not to send it straight away. It is always better to wait when annoyed. I turn the computer off and try to go back to sleep.
Now I am cold, but instead of getting out of bed to go and turn up the heating (we turn it down or off at night), I curl up into a ball. And I pray. I pray! I pray that no matter what, I will always do all I can to speak and act from a place of love and awareness. Then I doze off again.
Of course, if instead of being in England, Hugh had been here, he would have done the clocks round before going to bed last night.
Now I’m going to … wow, is that the time? There’s lots I want to do today, including some restorative yoga, better get going. i leave you with a picture of a place I like in Trapani, Sicily. Looking at it, I feel as though time, there at least, is standing still for a while.
Have a great day everyone.