Dear Whitney

Beautiful "Whitney Houston"

Beautiful Whitney Houston

Watching Oprah Winfrey’s two year-old interview with Whitney Houston a couple of day ago, I was reminded of….

Well, first of all, I had seen that interview when it was first shown a little over two years ago.  I know, because Andrew was still alive then, and I was watching Oprah because of the Law of Attraction thing that I was writing about at the time – But that’s another story.  Anyway, at the time I was moved and happy for this beautiful woman who had battled and, thank God, got the better  the demons that tormented her soul.

Watching it this time around, four weeks after Whitney’s death I was…

During the interview, smiling happily and proudly, she had said of her daughter:
“I’ll always be here for her.  I’m preparing her.  I don’t want anyone to touch her.  We’ll always be together,” and she went on to express more such sentiments.  Her daughter, in the audience at the time, also spoke of her pride for her mother and of their very close bond.

And now Whitney’s dead!  By all accounts, by her own hand!

I can guess at the unholy pain that must have driven this loving mother, this human being, to throw in the towel. Those moments, be they only minutes or seconds… Oh God… it’s like being thrown from a precipice; being faced by each one of your worse fears, horrors and terrors.  Yes, they come, hold your face and make you look at them, and you cower in a corner and… you pray, you breathe, you remind yourself that this is only a moment… and you live to see another day, and you are even happy and grateful, joyful, enthusiastic… but it is an ongoing thing obviously, because there are times, when some are defeated.

Erice, Sicily

Erice, Sicily

But I bow to them.  I want to pay tribute to them, again and again for their bravery, courage, hope, faith, love, sense of duty and commitment to their loved ones, that kept them going for as long as each of those lost one, did.  Having seen inside that chamber of horrors, I grieve for them.  I grieve that for them, at the treacherous moment, support was not at hand.

Rest Whitney, beloved daughter, mother, sister, wife…  Rest beautiful being.

I leave you with some of the words that Reverend Weston Stevens, spoke at the funeral of someone who died of suicide.  His powerful and loving eloquence, puts it very well.

Love,

Esmeralda

Here are some of his words:

“Our friend died on his own battlefield. He was killed in action fighting a civil war. He fought against adversaries that were as real to him as his casket is real to us. They were powerful adversaries. They took toll of his energies and endurance. They exhausted the last vestiges of his courage and his strength. At last these adversaries overwhelmed him. And it appeared that he had lost the war. But did he? I see a host of victories that he has won!

“For one thing, he has won our admiration, because even if he lost the war, we give him credit for his bravery on the battlefield. And we give him credit for the courage and pride and hope that he used as his weapons as long as he could. We shall remember not his death, but his daily victories gained through his kindnesses and thoughtfulness, through his love for family and friends, for animals and books and music, for all things beautiful, lovely and honorable. We shall remember not his last day of defeat, but we shall remember the many days that he was victorious over overwhelming odds. We shall remember not the years we thought he had left, but the intensity with which he lived the years that he had. Only God knows what this child of His suffered in the silent skirmishes that took place in his soul. But our consolation is that God does know, and understands.”

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3 thoughts on “Dear Whitney

  1. Those of us close to knowing the characteristics of suicide risk from personal experience–depression, substance abuse, thoughts and talk of death, feigned happiness, setting things in order, hopelessness, helplessness, severe lack of self-confidence…look at beautiful Whitney’s death and draw our own conclusions.

    But tragically the stigma surrounding suicide still silences truth…

    My father-in-law has had hospice care for many months now, I’ve lost count, but is still here. He is now just beginning to tire of the fight. It’s hard for my husband to let him go; he urges him to fight on. They’re both fighters. But his father is ready to go and I gently urge my husband to be ok with that. His father is 89 years old!

    Today while I spoke with my husband, who has spent much time during the last year caring for his dad in his dad’s home, I told my husband, “Tell Dad to say hi to Michael (our son who died 3 years ago from suicide).” I expected a negative response from my husband but the past three years has softened his grief and he said he was sure Michael would be there to greet his father when he passes and my husband matter of factly shared some other experiences he has had with Michael. I was surprised by his response; it was not what I expected since as a family we still rarely talk about Michael. While there are still moments or days of intense grief, we are learning to navigate life with grief’s presence.

    • My dear friend! I am SO grateful for your presence, your soft yet strong beacon of light.
      God Bess dear sister. With love, Esmeralda

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