Time of Year

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Ready for his "junior Prom"

May 2007 – In this picture Andrew is dressed and ready for his junior Prom

It happens every year, the closer we get to the anniversary of Andrew’s death, the more I find myself drawn to memories of the days before his death.
This morning for instance I was curious to see what post I had written on this day four years ago. Re-reading it, I remembered how blissfully unaware I was of the ominous clouds that were gathering on my horizon. This time four years ago I still had twelve days ahead of me, of knowing very little about suicide.
And while you read on, I will look at pictures of my beloved son.


“The Law of Attraction is more than what allows us to get a car, money or a husband. It is what governs the Universe.

During a retreat with my teacher this summer, a fellow seeker asked her:

“Amma, whenever we have the opportunity to ask you something, we waste it. So my question is; if we could only ask one question what should it be?”

“Who am I, should be the question,” she explained. “Know thy Self,” the answer.

Studying the Law of Attraction I am struck by the sameness of its core.

In The Power Of Now Eckart Tolle refers to that knowing of who we are, as Presence. Knowing who we really are, we are connected to Source. Being connected to Source we feel good. Feeling good, we create a happy reality for ourselves, and for others.

When we are not connected to Source, we have that unquantifiable feeling of something missing in our life, of a void that we feel compelled to fill. Some of us spend our whole lives trying. Take relationships for instance. Our first one with our parents is followed by relationships with schoolteachers, friends, neighbors, colleagues, money, significant others and so on. Along the way we are influenced by their beliefs, expectations and demands. The connection we had with Source when we were first-born; is now dimmed. We feel a void. When we first meet our partner, we are his/her sole focus of positive attention; we love it. Our partner’s empowering attention becomes the catalyst for that shift of energy that helps us re-connect with Source.

Unfortunately nobody can keep their full attention on us forever. When it is withdrawn, we feel bad and we resent it. Before we didn’t notice that the way he squeezes the toothpaste is actually aggravating. And what about the way he gets the wrong end of the stick and forgets things we’ve told him a hundred times? It drives us insane!

Separation may follow, or a change of job, neighborhood, or we feel that more money will do it, or maybe all of the above. Thing is that the characters will be different, but the bloody plot will be the same. You know it’s true, we’ve all been there, done that.

So, before going to all the trouble of looking for new actors for the same play Abraham-Hicks says “…You must be willing to please yourself first, or you will often be swept up by the negativity that surrounds you…”

To please ourselves first is not selfish. To please ourselves means making ourselves feel good, which means that we are in alignment with who we really are.

“…When you are in alignment with who-you-really-are, you cannot help but uplift those with whom you come into contact. Your value to those around you hinges upon only one thing: your personal alignment with Source. And the only thing you have to give to another is an example of that alignment-which they may observe, then desire, and then work to achieve-but you cannot give it to them. Everyone is responsible for the thoughts they think and the things that they choose as their objects of attention…”

On the other hand, if we make it our job to feel good (which it actually is) instead of relying on someone else, our attention will automatically fall on what we do like. And guess what, the Law of Attraction will find and bring us more things that we like about our partner, or our colleagues, our neighbor or a dog. What we don’t like will often fade away and now the other party responds in kind, and you know how it works from here; the better it feels, the better it gets. I’d say it’s worth a try, don’t you? Beats the alternative in many cases.”

2 thoughts on “Time of Year

  1. You were writing about being connected with who we really are. Do you feel as if “who you are” changed completely with the loss of your son? The person I used to be is gone. She disappeared when half of her heart left this world. I guess I need to figure out who I am now … but that is so difficult and painful.

    • Who we really are never changes. What changes I think, is our perception, how we feel about things. I think that in a way life becomes simpler in the sense that we come to see what really matters and what doesn’t. What is real and what is not. Love is real, love never dies. Your son is gone from sight, but he his soul and his love did not die. By the way, have you had a psychic reading? Big hug, Esmeralda

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